I'm so worried I might be mad, it's sending me mad.

Time is rolling inevitably towards New Year's day when my resolutions kick in. I've got a few but the main one is to lose a load of weight. I'm after dramatic serious weight loss. Sort of thing that gets me in Heat magazine with a "Too Skinny Nick" picture caption. I'm toying with the idea of doing the GI diet. I'm a terrible crash dieter and this GI thing looks like The New Atkins! Excellent.

I don't see what the problem is with crash dieting. You eat loads of food, you stop and burn it off. If you keep things on a level you're not allowing yourself any lows sure, but also there's no highs. Where's the fun in that? Do you ride a rollercoaster because it's safe and efficient or because it goes up real high and then thunders down? I think we both know the answer to that.

So yes, resolution number one is crash diet. Lose sh#tloads of weight. Resolution number two is keep on my not smoking thing. It's been a real strain recently not to light up. I've no idea why but there's a strong urge there. It's been almost a year without and suddenly the urge reutrns. I'm toying with silly little internal disputes that go like this:

"Oh, yeh, but you could just have one and you probably wouldn't like it anyway.."

"But why have one if I wouldn't like it?"

"Because you might enjoy just one"

"But then I'll get hooked on tobacco"

"Ruined, hadn't thought of that. I'll come back to you later.."

And sure enough it does. But being an abstract internal desire it carries no memory of how easily I outwitted it in the previous encounter and so we go through the same above conversation. What I worry about is that this tactic may work in the end. What if in one of my weaker moments I fail to outwit its line of persuasion and crack a light to the end of a fag?

I'd be a smoker again. That would not be good.

Well, it mi-

Nope, that would not be good.



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