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thecultofnick

Eat up all my brain food and grow another mind

There's a car park near The HA HA Bar in Sheffield which has a parking meter that talks. Occasionally I wrestle with my sanity, I wasn't doing on this occasion. Promise.

Now, I've always wanted to have a conversation with a parking meter. This is because years ago, I heard my Dad swear and say that "these things must f**king sh%t gold". As a kid I took this literally and wondered what they ate which caused them to do that.

These sorts of thoughts become a subtle part of your consciousness as you grow older and for some reason Parking Meters have always been, to me, strangely anthropomorphic*.

So there I am these odd memories returning, looking at a parking meter which is saying in an overtly sexual voice: "ooh sir, put it away, you know you want to". It's saying this over and over again. It was a confusing moment. It was sat there little, fat and old saying this cheeky line to me. Everyone else was ignoring it.

I'm totally confused.

Then I remember reading about some "wacky" council thing about making messages that warn you to put away your valuables. One council has used 'comedian' Dave Spikey. In fact I remember reading the story with dread**. Our council has clearly just made their own.

Pah I sneered. How stupid. What trite nonsense. Deeply unfunny. I hate things like this. Actually, it is pretty funny. Bit of the nonsense. It's surreal. Not everyone likes it. That woman actually looked offended. Classic.

So there you go. Bit of wacky nonsense initiated by someone in -at a guess- the council, makes me smile. The world will never fail to surprise me.

NM

*Alongside electric sandwich makers, again because of my foulmouthed Dad whom I once heard saying;"For f#ck's sake, designed by the f#cking devil these things" when he burned his thumb in one.

**Click there to squirm.

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