I ate a baked potatoe today which was exactly the same size and weight as my own head...

I was out shopping today in a supermarket and I saw a salesman stood there trying to flog windows or cars or something. He had a big display behind him and was painting on a big smile as his next victim wandered into view. I walked quite a way towards him and saw him repeat the following process about eight times:

1, Big smile on his old haggard face.

2, Outstretched welcoming hand.

3, Starts his patter.

4, Person he's talking to either politely declines his advances or, even worse, ignores him.

5, After giving a polite 'no worries' response his face crumples into a look which tells of broken dreams, bleak dark days and ultimately the rejection of another human being. A little map showing a country we've all been to - The United States of Ruined.

And so the cycle continues.

That is until yours truely walks past. He just ignored me.

Perhaps he'd had enough of trying to flog rubbish no one wanted. I looked over my shoulder as I passed him. No, he's trying to sell to that bloke there. He'd singled me out, and ignored me!

The little s#it.

I didn't want to buy his stuff, whatever it was, but I had felt sorry for him. I'd decided as I walked towards him that I was going to say, "no thankyou, but good luck anyway, have a nice day, man*". As it happened I'd rehersed this line so much I almost approched him, tapped him on the shoulder and said it. That would not have been good.

There's obviously something wrong with my 'look'. Perhaps it's the fact I was wearing my grey coat. I know it's not a good coat. It looks rubbish. Perhaps it's my greasy hair. I'm looking quite fat at the moment as well. And I've got a spot on my hea- Do you see what he's done? The mind works overtime on things like this.

I hope he's proud of himself.


Bad news, my girlfriend thinks this part of the website is taunting her. Did I sort out my athlete's foot today? No. Did I get in touch with the doctors? No. Am I a waste of space? Yes. But it itches real good!!! It's like I'm having an affair. Which, of course, I'm not.

*I'm a hippy. Well not really but I'd have liked to have been. I often add "man" to the end of a sentence just to sort of remind people that the 60's and Woodstock was actually a good idea even if it did go wrong. A bit like communism.


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