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"Kiig my bss jelcy buil eod ynu whore" uttered Throbeth The Miner's Son

I'm not scared of nurses and doctors. I've proved that before. Today was no exception to this. I finally went to see a nurse to get my ears syringed. I kicked the door down and strode in in a heroic manner. I had nothing to fear. This is a common procedure. There really is nothing to fear.

"Okay Mr Margerrison* before we get cracking I must firstly ask you a few questions. Have you ever had an infection, invasive surgery or a hole in your eardrum?"

Sh%t! I hate questions like this. How should I know? I've led a long and varied life. I may, in my wilder days, have done some crazy things. My memory is shot to pieces. I can't remember why. How important is it that I get these sort of questions right? I'm not scared. It's just. Erm.

"No, at least, not that I know of..."

After cautiously smiling she then goes on to tell me: "There are possible dangers associated with a procedure like this. It's possible that you may feel dizzy and naseous. There might be a slight pain. And you may get a small hole in your eardrum."

"What?!"

"Sorry, I'll speak up.."

"No. I mean. Why would? Supposing I don't want a small hole in my ear drum??"

She took a long hard look at me and replied "It's unlikely but we need to warn people about these sorts of things".

I couldn't work out if this was the sort of warning you get on the back of a packet of peanuts; "May contain Nuts". Or if it was the sort of warning you really don't need, like "ooh, I know you're only going to the shops but be careful how you drive. People sometimes die really badly in car crashes". If you were to measure up all the terrible things that 'might' happen to you in one day you'd never leave the house. By now I'd broken a cold sweat. She looked like she was ready to carry on. Sod it. As I never complain about anything ever I shrugged my shoulders and let the invasive medical procedure begin.

As it turned out I'm fine. I think. She said I might feel a bit unbalanced and told me to mention it if I did. All the way through the whole thing I kept wondering if I was balanced or not. I think I am.

NM

*She couldn't pronounce my name correctly. This is good. It means she's probably not a listener or (more importantly) reader of this blog.

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