False start

Yesterday me and James went for a slap up meal at that all you can eat Chinese place, Jumbos I think it's called? Now I'm a bloke who has room to put away food. This stomach of mine is a biggie. James however is a skinny chap who has an awesome reputation for food consumption. I thought I'd try and match him in terms of food. We went up for our first serving (it's self service) and tucked into a plate piled high with meat and so forth.

Afterwards I was full. "Phew - you really can put it away can't you mate?" I sighed. "What? That's just our starters, couple more yet I reckon" piped up the Piekos. So we went for a second round. I went a bit easy this time, but I noticed his plate was piled higher. Half way through my serving I was hitting 'the ceiling'*. I soldiered on but James was up for more. And more. And some soup. And then we went for desert. Twice.

That was 2 o'clock yesterday. I didn't eat until 6pm today.

So, I'm stood in the pub with a few mates. I've eaten my first meal of the day not half an hour before. It's disloged something. It's toilet time. In a big way.

I scamper off to the toilets. In my hurry I almost go in the wrong one. Check, "Gents", yup we're right. Whoo! This is going to do some damage.... what the f#ck? There's no toilet? Just urinals? What the f#ck?**

The drive to work has never been so frantic.


*Experienced eaters know there's a point where your stomach is full and you're from then on eating on borrowed time. This point is called, 'the ceiling'. It's important to put little quote marks around it so everyone can know you're a bit of a t#at.

**Usually I would have gone into an intricate and 'amusing' rant about what sort of a pub has no shi#ter. However lack of time and talent restricted this.


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