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(Friday) Crikey! It's all happening so quickly...

"Do you want computers for schools vouchers with that?"

It's a simple question but my brain has frozen. Like a computer I've seized up. This happens every now and then. My mind just goes totally blank and I've no idea what's going on. No idea at all. It only lasts a couple of seconds. I blink, switch my mind off and on again, apologise to the confused checkout girl and say the obvious "No" that's been delayed for about a minute.

I've noticed a pattern. My mind often does this when confronted by the utterly inane realities of mundane day to day existence. It'll sometimes happen when I'm talking to a dull person. My eyes glaze over and I start responding whenever the dull rumble of their voice stops with platitudes and non-sequiters.

"Rumble bumble dumble humble plop plop..."

"Well, this is it you see..."

"Humble bumble jumble stumble etc etc etc fart"

"They just need to sort it out don't they?"

And so forth.

I learned this technique off my technology teacher at secondry school who, when confronted with the horrors of my halfwitted classmates and I, used to sort of allow his face to assume an odd, impassive, blank expression. He'd then run the palms of his hands over his face slowly when directly challenged by the reality of the situation and - no matter what - utter the expression "Well... this is it you see". Or, sometimes if it was a particularly bad scenario he'd go with "Mmm... so there we are".

I remember once a bloke stuck a compass in his own head and ran round the room like a maniac only to be greeted by the strangely calming sight of this late middle aged man rubbing his face and sighing "Mmm... so there we are". Or he might have said "Well... this is it you see". I can't accurately remember.

NM

It's back! It's properly back. I clearly do not control its destiny. Boy it's fun to itch!! Whooo! F#cking loving it!!!

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