So I pull up at the petrol station on the way to the gym*. I'm running a little monologue in my mind which goes something like this; "how can I not be sure which side my petrol cap is on? That's silly. I've had this car for years."
Naturally I pull up and realise I've pulled up on the wrong side. Genius. What a moron I am. Tsk. It's a good job no one notices anyone else ever** these days or I'd look a proper muppet. We'll just mosey on back into the car and slide over to this pump over here. Brilliant.
Nope. That one's out of order. I'll have to reverse into the one behind me - what a f#ck about this is turning out to be. Oops - hang on there's someone behind me. Can't reverse. Have to drive up and round here to get to the other one over there - bol#ocks some fuc#er has got there before me! For f#cks sake! I'm going to have to wait for him now.
Look at him. What a numpty. He looks like, hang on. Ha ha ha! Daft c#nt's parked on the wrong side for his petrol cap. Lovely. I'm not the only moron in this world. That's right matey, off you f#ck, go find a pump you can fill up at. This one belongs to The Nickster.
So I've no idea what's going on with my foot. It's looking sort of okay but sort of not. I think I need to go, once again, to the doctors. I'll do it next week. Not itching it so much at the moment. It's not quite as itchy as usual.
Website of the day: oilisdead.blogspot.com
The blog of "Wayne The Conspiracy Theorist" - a regular caller to the old phone in show he believes we've hit a point already where Peak Oil production has passed.
*Yes, that's right, the gym. Read it and weep baby! I'm big and fat and I go to the gym. How does that work? I'll tell you. I also stuff my fat face with pies and chocolate when people aren't looking. That's a bit odd isn't it? Binge eating like a little fat school kid. Well them's the breaks daddio!
**Have you noticed that? No one seems to notice anyone else ever these days. Even in pubs, people are getting better at just ignoring each other. Don't bother smiling at people these days, they'll think you're a f#cking weirdo.