"oh - erm, I don't - erm, TSK! Who put that there! Grr! Erm, bugger." (saturday)

So I joined a video shop. Well, you know, a DVD shop. Whatever.

I fell out with Blockbusters a while ago because I didn't like their attitude towards my attitude. They seemed to get annoyed if I left DVD's lying around my bedsit for months. Or - even worse - on the front seat of my car. "Ohh, must pop down and drop that off. It's been sat there a while now. Not just yet though, got to go to work first".

Then we got Sky TV. That really was the end of my relationship with Blockbusters. Now our Sky TV is broken or something so I've joined a new one. You have to give a password every time you rent a video though. Even though you've got your card with you. Seems a bit odd to me. Also the people in there seem eternally pis#ed off at life. Almost to the point that you want to say - "cheer up mate, it's not all bad news is it?".

When I asked this weekend if they had a couple of films I was keen to rent I'm sure I saw them rolling their eyes and tutting as if I was an utter fuc#wit. My girlfriend's not keen either as they don't stock The Karate Kid - almost as a matter of principle it would appear: "No mate, we've not got that, certainly not" he replied, without checking and looking a little like he was about to push me and ask me what my f#cking problem was.

I've had this sort of problem before, most annoyingly with people who work in comic book shops.

"Have you got Slaine Book of Invasions?"

"No, we don't stock that have you tried the internet."

"Erm, no I never thought of that, sorry to have wasted your time" comes my reply whereas what I should actually say is "I don't buy stuff off the internet, that's why I'm stood in your cruddy shop. I like to hold a purchase in my hands first and I also support the idea of fu#knuts like you having a job, which in the longterm you won't. Because of things like the internet. And because you're sat there - actually suggesting your customers use the internet! The correct response to an enquiry like mine would actually be; no mate but maybe I can order it for you. Then I can say, 'no thanks it's okay'. And f#ck off out of the shop. And another thing! Why don't you stock Phlegm in here? You should it's a great magazine, and it's local. Chris#sake, I give up!"



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