Bloody hell. I know this is old news for some people but I'm still new to it what with not having a computer at home.
"What? What are you talking about?"
Well - strange voice - I'm talking* about this website:FLASH-EARTH**
It's a website which allows you to zoom in on any point on the planet that you care to look at. It's f#cking awesome. I think I've spent inh the region of 12 hours f#nnying around on it. My mind can't take in the sheer enormity of the world and my tiny place in it without whimpering a bit. It's great.
Just shows you how irrelevant you are. And yet at the same time makes you value your mind and the world in which you live. I just do not know what to make of it. Awesome.
So everyone I've told about it has rolled their eyes and gone: "Doh, didn't you know about that already? I've known about that for years. In fact I invented it. That's how cool I am. Blo#dy hell mate. Last time I saw that I fell off my dinosaur. Yeah! A dinosaur. That means I've known about it since at least the Triassic period. Doesn't make sense does it? No. But I don't need it to 'coz I'm cool."
So why didn't you show me it then? Why keep it to yourself?
I used to get this with bands. People would snigger and say "Ha! Oasis? I saw them live before they'd even formed!".
In fact I used to specifically annoy fans of alternative/indie music with the following comments which you may like to borrow:
"Yeh - I've been into these guys since their first album" - when clearly you haven't.
"Have you heard their best song? It's [insert biggest sell out pop hit here]"
Or you can say - ""Have you heard their best song? It's [insert badly pronounced title of one of another similar band's song here]"
But the best is to tell them you like a band who have just broken through into the commercial mainstream despite many years of critical and artistic success. When they ask you why you didn't like the album of their that they played you two years ago you reply with:
"Well they were rubbish back then, but now they're really good - that's why they're on top of the pops - they've improved".
See how much of the sentence you can get out before they go purple.
*I'm not actually talking, I'm writing. I mention this just so you don't have the image of me sat on my own in a room talking out loud as I write. That'd be odd. Then again, life IS odd so how could it be any more odd? Ahem - sorry. That thing really has broken my brain.
**I've saved it over Meadowhall. You will end up spending hours on it if you've not yet been there so beware if you read this at work. As most people apparently do.