Yipardee dat da - da doh doh - pee pa dee dap, da da doh!

The last time I went to the gym I was sat tying my shoelaces when I looked up into the b#mhole of some bloke. He was leaning forward to adjust his weighing scales which he'd brought in his bag with him. I was so surprised I had no idea how to react. Any long term reader of this blog knows I've had my share of unpleasant scrapes[one example] in the past. The thing that really freaked me out is that we were the only two people in the room. A big room. There he is with his horrible slightly saggy b#mcheeks wobbling about and his brown eye staring right at me. He was so close to my face it was as if he'd done it on purpose.

Then he f#cking coughed. When he did this the eye of the storm winked at me. As I looked into the void I was tempted to poke it and say: "get your f#cking arse out of my face you ignorant t#at". I didn't but if I had done I think you'll agree I'd have had right on my side.

Despite the fact that this one incident is easily enough to excuse me ever going to the gym again I'm planning to get back to it once easter is over.

Also I've decided that I should go to Weight Watchers. Yes. That's right. Weight Watchers. My mate Tracy is going to go with me. Not next week but the week after.


It's not athlete's foot. It's a little friend who I stroke at night for fun. It talks to me and we have fun. It's like a pet.


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