& finally the deal is sealed... well, almost

A mate of mine jumped out a plane yesterday*. That is something I will never do. Ever.

I knew that if I spoke to him during the day all I would have done would be try and talk him out of it. My logic is simple - if he'd done it and I'd not managed to talk him out of it, I'd be slightly responsible for his inevitable tragic death. Fortunately, as it turns out, the word 'inevitable' is misplaced here. He was saying to me things like "wow - you should do it - it was amazing" and so forth. All I was thinking was 'thank f#ck I'm not that stupid as to do something like that'.

I can imagine it. I'd be all nervous and excited. A large part of me would be thinking it was a crazy thing to do. But I'd be saying things like - "ooh this is great isn't it, we're going to jump out of a plane. Aren't we all cool as f#ck?". Perhaps I'd even be punching the sky and saying things like "yee har" or whatever it is these people do.

People would be telling me how safe it was. They'd be saying things like - "the team we've jumping with are the most experienced skydivers in the country".

My Mother would be horrified and telling me not to do it and to be careful. I'd presumably be baulking at her fears with comments like "I'll be fine, everyone else is doing it". Or whatever it is these people say.

I'd be thinking of my mate Stuart Collings who jumped out of a plane and said it was amazing. I'd be thinking things like 'well if he can do it so can I, by jove!'.

Then we'd jump out and endure the 45 seconds or so of freefalling which my mate told me about yesterday. Then we'd pull the chord to make the parachute come out and it wouldn't work. I'd be scared but then remember there was a back-up chord and think things like - "phew that was lucky!". Or whatever it is these people actually think.

Then that wouldn't work either. And I'd realise what a silly cu#t I was for jumping out of a plane. Those final few moments of my life would be spent cursing my own stupidity.


*With a parachute. Obviously.

I went to the doctors again about my foot. I got some creme, which he says is the toughest available! After that I went to weight watchers and got told I'd lost 2lbs. This qualified me for my silver seven. This is a number seven which is silver and denotes the fact you've lost half a stone. They stick it on your form. I got a special round of applause. Very exciting. But not quite as exciting as these two websites:
One animation site sent by Lee.
And the other, a story of an out of body experience sent by a mate of mine.


Popular Posts