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"Oh shi# what have I f#cking done?" - JIMMY YOU LEGEND!!!

As I said in my previous post I've been making every effort to eat slightly less than my prescribed 31 weight watcher points this week as well as going to the gym twice this week. So, I pop along to my meeting feeling like I've not really lost much weight this week after the 4lbs I lost last week and get on the scales. I was quietly confident that perhaps I'd lost a couple. On we get -- oh dear I've gained a pound.

My dissapointment at only losing a pound in the first week is now thrown into sharp relief as I feel a little cheated that I've done the opposite this time round. It doesn't really make sense. The group leader suggests that the previous week where I had a bit of a blowout might have caught up with me. My mate Tracy suggests I might have eaten too little. The other woman sat with us told me how she ate hardly anything at all and walked everywhere for a week and put on a pound as well.

I remember once when I was really big (18.5 stone) I didn't eat anything but half a cup of rice for three days and still my weight went up! The atkins diet was an absolute godsend for me back then. Now however I'm only about a stone off my normal weight for my height. Weightwatchers is a better system. You can eat what you want. In theory.

Furthermore I learned today that you can't save points from one week to the next. So all my point cutting this week in anticipation of the awards ceremony I'm off to this friday was a total waste of time. Bolloc#s.

As I write this I'm stuffing my face with a sandwich and a crunchie.

What? F#ck you! I have enough points left over for it. Eating too little? Not this week!

Here's a link to my mate Gordon Loncaster's latest venture. Gordon is one of the nicest blokes I've had the pleasure of meeting in this little radio industry of ours.

NM

My athlete's foot is looking quite normal now. However it's just started itching again recently. I've been on a course of antibiotics for it recently. As I mentioned in a recent post. At the bottom of this post I was foolish enough to use a gag which featured in one of my early (never performed) stand-up routines. Swallowed my tooth - hurt like a b#stard ... particularly when it came out the other side. However it means I'm the only person here who has bitten my own ar#e. Cue laughter.

The reason I never performed this routine is because I knew the whole routine wasn't really that funny. However I always liked this little joke. A mate of mine helpfully emailed me to explain why it's not a very good joke:

That dentist gag about biting your own a*se still doesn't quite hit the funny bone - I'm sure it registers high on comedy potentiometer but somehow there's a short circuit and it just doesn't connect - maybe it's my logical brain but I think it's because "bite" indicates at least two teeth together, one is just uncomfortable abrasion.

He is of course right. It's a sh#t joke really. And there's nothing funny about biting sh#t. He also does a blog. I'm just about to go and read it... here's the link.

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