(friday) Closer inspection revealed it wasn't

My jaw keeps clicking in the morning. My Mum says it's because I must be grinding my teeth in my sleep. This seems a bit silly to me. It's not the sort of thing I do. At least not as far as I'm aware. But then again I wouldn't know as I'd be asleep. I used to have an awful recurring dream where I'd closed my mouth really tightly the wrong way round. My bottom teeth would be clamped over my front ones and there was no way of unlocking them. At least not without breaking things. It'd usually result in me waking up with a fright.

Then there's the classic dream where your teeth fall out. There are various interpretations of this. Some people think it means you're lying or think others are lying to you. Others feel it's to do with being powerless. I think it's just a wacky horrible dream.

Mum says you grind your teeth because you've got a loose filling sometimes and that it's something I should go to the dentists about. Excuse me. F&ck that! I hate going to the dentist. I'm not going because I sometimes (well - most times, okay, every day) have a clicky jaw in the morning. It's not a terrible thing. It's sort of satisfying sometimes. You can feel the click coming on and pop it's done.

Bit like when people pop their fingers. I've never understood the attraction with that one though. Locking and cracking your fingers seems to have gone out of fashion these days but I remember when I was younger there was a bit of a craze going on for it. Then a load of scare stories went round that it gave you arthritis. Perhaps that's what killed it off.

I remember very clearly the relish with which some people would click their fingers around others who would be disgusted by the habit. "Ohhh, I hate it when people do that" and you could bet some obnoxious oaf would go "ho ho, what, this you mean?" cue clicks. Now I don't like the noise of clicky fingers but I soon sussed out the best way to avoid hearing it was not to admit this.

Exactly the same logic behind me pretending not to be particularly bothered by spiders. Admit you're scared of spiders and at some point in your life a "hilarious" t&at will run up to you with a spider going "there's nothing to be scared of". You have my permission to scare them back. Maybe with the threat of physical violence? Your call.



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