I've never worn an "En-Ger-Land" top in my life, for any reason whatsoever. Ever. Until today. Today was "Get Stripped Friday" and Hallam FM was raising money for Help A Hallam Child. As a consequence I drove round Chesterfield and the surrounding areas with two girls (Saphire and 'G') going to workplaces where they were all getting involved in "Get Stripped Friday". What this means is they were putting a quid towards the radio station's charity so they could wear their team's colours.
We first went to Spire's Infants School in Chesterfield*. I was amazed at how well behaved the kids were. I'd also totally forgotten the golden rule of playtime. As soon as teacher rings the bell - you stop whatever you're doing and stand as still as you can. Nice school. Good vibe.
From there we went to some council place or other**. The people there were nice but f#ck me the building was horrible. It was like a black hole. It seemed to suck every last pulse of joy my brain and body. I was amazed at how bright and breezy the people who worked there were! They were a total contract to the atmosphere of the building itself. If I was one of them I'd be thinking very dark thoughts. It's amazing how much a building can screw stuff up. It was just awful. But they were nice and really up for it.
Then we went to Vestubius?*** I think that was what it was called. I don't actually know. That was okay but by then I was really tired. Why? Because I'm fat and lazy and the sun makes me all puffy and huffy. What surprised me is that when I went for a bit of social grooming talk other than how f#cking wonderful England is and what a great thing it'll be if they win I drew an almost total blank.
"So... who do you think it going to get evicted?"
- blank stares -
"Y'know. Big Brother. It's on tonight! Who's going to get evicted?... anybody?"
My mind already knows I'm onto a loser here. I'm making conversation with about 40-50 people and they're all looking at me like I've just managed to squeeze out one of my eye balls. But I'm trying to save face. You can't just go, 'oh no one watching that eh?' and move on. Not when you're committed. I was relieved when from the confusion and blank stares one plucky lass saved me with;
"I think Nikki will be. I don't really like her."
The moment was lost. I'd backed a duff subject. I'd saved face a bit though. Actually, that's bo#locks. She'd saved my face. Anyway, I lamented the fact not many people are watching it this time round and moved swiftly on to talk of 'EnGerLand'. Woo - what do you think the score will be? Etc.
Overall though it was fun going out and meeting people and pretending to be a celebrity. Most of them pretended to know who I was and ask me why I wasn't doing the talkshow anymore. I love it when people ask me that.
*I think this is what it's called. I have an awful memory and was tired all throughout the day because I'm lazy and friday is my day off. Life is just one long struggle for me. It is. Really. Actually, no it's not. Sorry.
**I don't know. I honestly do not remember. I just drift through life. Names of places. No idea. None at all. I don't even know my own postcode.
***I don't know. I'm bluffing here. My memory works on a priority system which doesn't include the names of places. Or postcodes. Or indeed most things.