I've beaten you
Kylie's rudey video is here just in case I've buggered up the above video.
Last night I found this video of Kylie Minogue being cheeky in the name of a lingerie brand. It was a shock to see. Bit like finding out your girlfriend once did a porno*. I watched wide eyed and confused as 'cheeky Kylie' became 'really rather naughty Kylie'. Once the video had finished I was blushing like an ex-junkie who's just been caught cooking up in a public toilet.
I genuinely believe Kylie is some sort of Goddess. I'm just not sure what sort of Goddess**. She's a bit like a female Jesus in many ways. She had cancer - he got nailed to a cross. They both came back from the dead. And of course, fans of the antipodian popstrumpet all know that on the set of ozzy soap Neighbours in the early 80's Kylie managed to turn a bottle of water into wine. So that is actual proof.
A Picture of Kylie after she performed her miracle.
My girlfriend understands my love for Kylie. She's happy to buy me a Kylie DVD. I think this is sort of her way of saying that she wouldn't mind if I did get to be best friends with the tiny Princess of Pop. And that's the odd thing. I don't actually fancy Kylie in a sexual way. I see her more as a potential best friend for the future. We could be really good mates.
I wouldn't rule out a bit of nonsense. Maybe the odd cheeky kiss. Friends kiss don't they? Nothing wrong with that. I think my girlfriend buying me a Kylie DVD sort of proves she wouldn't mind any of this. I think she'd be okay with it.
I think she knows I'd have no chance.
Oh dear, the athlete's foot - whatever the f#ck it is - ain't looking good. It's started to look a little like the rocky surface of The Thing from The Fantastic Four. That's not good. Less itchy than usual as well! This is a pain in the t#at. If there's a positive side to athlete's foot (and there really f#cking is actually I think you'll find) it's that there's no greater satisfaction than itching it like a demon.
*This is a guess. I've never found my girlfriend once did a porno. I therefore have no real idea how this feels. Furthermore I do not want to know how this feels so if you do have any porno featuring my girlfriend I do not want to know about it. I'm not saying my girlfriend HAS done a porno, or even that I suspect she MAY have done. Let's change the subject here shall we?
So f#ck off.
**My girlfriend is also a Goddess. She's Danu. She's not a pornstar. We're not still on that are we? This is me changing the subject once and for all. Right now! My girlfriend is a Goddess. Not a pornstar. She could be a pornstar. If she wanted to, I mean. I'm not suggesting I suspect her. I don't.
Just stop looking at the screen like that you little t#at.