Knew the f#cking thing wouldn't work... knew it!

So, I'm flicking round the internet when I stumble across this story about Kate Ford who is Tracy off of Coronation Street. "Fair enough" you may say. "Didn't know you were a fan of Coronation Street but after your recent confessions about Big Brother nothing would surprise me Nicholarse..." a seasoned reader of this blog may add. "Stop using my thoughts to write your blog with" a smarta#sed reader who's a bit co#ky might then go on to say. This blog's title lends itself well to smart ar#es*.

Stop talking. I'm getting confused. Erm...

Kate Ford, yeah. Anyway so there's this story and my mind goes - "I used to know a girl called Kate Ford, she went to Youth Theatre with me, I fancied her like rotten, proper school boy crush. Ha! What a co-incidence. Hey ho". Then I suddently get a little confused, "she looked exactly like that actually, only younger".

Then I'm left wondering if it actually is her. It looks like her. All the other details match up. It is her. I think. I'm not sure.

Now - to clarify - I had a crush on her, she probably never thought twice about me. I was (and still am) the geeky fat kid in the corner who rarely said or did anything of much note. My two main memories of her are that I once snogged her during a game of spin the bottle and unlike most of the other girls she was polite and didn't pretend to theatrically gag afterwards**. That's memory number one.

Memory number two is slightly more embarrasing.

I'm sat gazing at her in a schoolboy crush type way***. I'm not really listening to what she's saying but it started with 'Such and such was really nasty to me..." and ended with "...yeah, so what do you think?"****.

Oh s#it. She stopped talking. It's time for me to say something. I don't really know what she was saying I was just enjoying the fact she was talking to me. Bo#locks. Erm... (and here's where it gets really embarrasing)

"They were probably horrible because your so pretty and they're jealous".

Good god what an insufferable pri#k I was back then. For some reason this really set her off though. Really upset her. I'd obviously said something out of context but she got really worked up and unhappy. I knew the moment I'd said it that it was an inane thing to say. I was still day dreaming. Now I had an unhappy person on my hands. Ruined.

"Or, um... maybe not?" didn't even help.

I'd said totally the wrong thing and should have been listening to her. Hey ho.

It'd be funny if it is the same person but there's a chance I've just got her mixed up. Looks like her though. And it's the same name. And I think I remember my sister telling me about it a few years ago. I'm not sure I wasn't really paying attention, I think Kylie was on MTV at the time.


*And in fairness it is written by one.

**Ha ha! They were a great laugh at Youth Theatre. One of the big jokes which we all thought was funny was to gag after kissing. Ha ha! Usually only when they'd kissed me. But we all thought it was hillaryarse.

***Female readers probably don't know what this means. Let me tell you this, if you had a male mate at school (or around that age) you've seen this look. Glazed eyes, head on their hands, contented smile as you yak on about tampons and New Kids on The Block or whatever it is girls used to talk about in those days.

****The trick to half listening to people is to focus on what they say at the beginning and end. If in doubt repeat what they just said to you when they pause. This would have worked here but I hadn't learned the trick back then. Eg: "what do I think?" - and she'd have given me hints as to what I SHOULD have said. Never fails.


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