(sunday) Shabba has his pop stanks in the car... that way no one can see them

So now I am connected to the internet. This is exciting for me. I've spent ages preparing for this moment and once it finally arrived it was time to go to work. Ruined.

One question I've been firmly putting in its place is the "ha ha - great you'll be able to get loads of porn on it". No. No I won't. Mainly because if it goes wrong the person who will be fixing it for me will be my Mum. I want there to be no risk whatsoever that when she logs on to fix it she will encounter "Big breasted hussies IV" or whatever. Not gonna happen. Also, there'd be nothing worse than ruining your computer with a virus caught off a porno. It'd be like catching an STD*.

So anywhoo. No porn. Just going to use it to plan terrorist attacks**.

One thing I have noticed about my computer is that it seems intent on me using a particular internet browser - email account etc. I'm not a fan of computers when they tell you what's happening. I think it's the wrong way round. I'm surely supposed to be the boss?

Can you imagine trying to explain to your great grand parents that we'd have machines which would actually talk to you and tell you how to set up your broadband and so forth. Crazy. I wonder what our great grandkids will have to put up with in the future?

No oil and a poor standard of living?

NM

*Once is enough for me. Never again. Like pi#sing razorblades. Ha ha. See, that was a joke that was. I've never even had a sex. I mean, sorry, a sexually transmitted disease. God I'm so funny. I even make myself laugh with my hillaryarse comments. Actually no I'm not. Sex is a very serious thing. Or is it? Perhaps not. I'm confused. Not sexually. There's no confusion there, eh lads? I like birds me. Big ones. Not fat. Just. Help. I can't stop writing.

**Seriously though, that bit is a joke. And terrorism is a very serious thing. Just a shame the police don't seem to be serious about it. - joke. They're very serious and so is everything and I'm not a terrorist. I'm not an anything "ist" apart from an athiest. And best-ist. At everything. Apart from jokes. Ruined.

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