Before I start I'd just like to point out that this is clearly genius.
I went to see the Doctor recently and told her* about a lump I'd found under my armpit. She told me it was a lymph node. Apparently most people have them. It's draining an infection or something. I felt kind of silly, like I'd stumbled in asking "what the f#ck is this strange growth in the middle of my face? What do you mean it's my nose? What the hell's one of them? I want it removed at once!".
Thing is of course it's better to get these things checked out. I remember once haivng a lump on my little fella. Popped in to see what was what, turns out it was a blocked sweat gland. I'd spent ages worrying about it. This was when I was younger. I remember it was something I didn't tell my parents about. The vague fear being that they'd ask to take a look.
I'm hitting the point in my life where I'm taking care of myself more than ever before. I'm not smoking, I'm working out at the gym and I've cut down on how much I drink. This can surely only be a good thing? I've even taken to reading health blogs like this one.
Unfortunately I'm beginning to fear for my mental health. Actually scrap that, it's my moral health I'm concerned about. Me and my flatmate are hooked on a TV show called UFC - Ultimate Fighting Champion. Two men, in a cage, beating the crap out of each other. There are hardly any rules at all other than you can't stamp on someone's head and you can't kick into someone's groin. These people dish out some horrific brutal punishment to each other. It's all on Bravo TV at about 1am. We're totally hooked on it!
The thing is I'm sure I couldn't watch something like that without the protective shield of a TV screen in the way. That'd just be unpleasant.
It made me think that public executions really would be a huge ratings winner if they were to be brought back. So long as they were televised I'm sure people would watch them in their millions. There's something so de-humanising about that TV screen. Having spent years as a kid being told that "it's not real - they're only acting" I think I've hit a point where I have difficulty believeing any of it. So much so that even things like the news and so forth appear to be acted out.
I know the path to enlightenment does not involve a television screen. I'm planning on quitting it altogether.
Not yet though.
The UFC final fight is on tonight. I'll watch that first.
*Yes - HER. You probably don't think there really are women who're doctors do you? No, you're just a horrible sexist pig. Actually, I hope she really was a Doctor. Not just some nurse or something. That'd mean I might still have a bit of a problem brewing. Imagine the horror as I re-read this in months to come once I've learned what's really wrong.