Pint of beer and a packet of crisps last thing at night... I need to get on the weight watchers trip again!!

Little things are annoying me recently. Like the incident with the tuna.

Recently, I was sat with my girlfriend chatting to a really nice bloke about life, the universe and nothing when he said the word "beautiful". However he did it with an odd twist that I've never heard done before, in real life. He added a "d" where the "t" should have been. I almost instinctively mimicked him, like some little school kid: "Beau-D-iful? What are you on about you t#at?". Fortunately the filter* kicked in and I didn't make myself into a t#at. We didn't know him that well and it would have been wrong to mock him. He wasn't doing it to annoy. It was just how he talked. I think.

Then he did it again.

And again.

How does one go about managing to crowbar in the word "beaudiful" into a conversation so often? I have no idea what we were talking about - his stupid extra "d" was annoying me too much. It just did not match his accent. It was there for no apparent reason at all. He'd obviously made the decision to add it himself. Possibly to annoy me?


A few hours later, once I'd calmed down a bit, I remembered the only place I'd ever heard it before. That stupid Bernard Matthews advert. That sounded fake as well. Where was he supposed to be from?* No one I've ever met in my life talks like that. It really annoyed me.

Second only to those c#nts who pronounce everything as if it's a question. S#it on a stick they need some form of punishment each time they do that. Electroshock therapy may be inhumane when used on the mentally ill but it's the only sane solution for those people. In-f#cking-furiating. I hate accents. I hate people who don't talk properly. No scrap that. Re-write it and just use the first three words of the sentence.

No. No I don't. Sorry, I don't. Hate is too strong a word. I actually love them. That's why I'm trying to help them. That's what this blog entry is. Not an attack on people but a loving and gentle push, for them, in the right direction. My direction.


*Every sane person has a filter. The more efficient the filter the more sane you are. It's the thing that stops you from telling the absolute truth all the time. It's the thing which reminds you other people have feelings. It's also the thing which is most affected by being drunk. However that does not put me in the "you tell the truth when your drunk camp". That debate is much more complex. I've touched on it before.

**Wikipedia reveals all:"In 1980 the company launched its first TV commercial featuring Turkey Breast Roast, with Matthews himself introducing the famous 'Bootiful' catchphrase in his thick Norfolk accent"[external link to wikipedia entry]. I love Wikipedia. It's a great site. It's also been the root of my downfall recently when I should be sorting my life out. It sends me into a reading frenzy! I spent ages reading about Charles Manson recently. Why? I don't know. I just do not know. I really don't.


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