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Sting the wild leaves old grey, they don't believe in you anyway.

Sat in polite company in a pub when suddenly the urge to fart came over me quite strongly. It was going to be one of those vicious loud noisy one which you can't really get away with in the company of others. Not unless they're blokes and you can go "ha ha ha, I farted". But they weren't. They were the sort of people who'd look at you dissaprovingly and then be horrified at the smell. Then I'd be embarrased. In the end I stood up and went to the toilet. But almost as soon as I did it had gone. The urge to fart had vanished.

"B#llocks, I'm committed to going to the toilet now. Everyone's looking at me and they've all got full pints" I thought. "Can't go to the bar, can't think what to do. Have to go to the toilet and hope a fart comes out or something" continued my internal monologue. Off I went to the toilet and two other blokes came with me from another party. Stood there at the urinal with one on either side. Nothing's happening. No wee wee. Nothing. Cubicle was locked so couldn't have escaped into it. Just stood here with my winky in my hand not doing anything.

They're taking ages. They're not weeing either. I'm stood there waiting. So are they. This is odd. Perhaps I'm freaking them out. Don't catch their eye. Look ahead. You're not going to pee. Sod it. I'll zip up and f#ck off. Shuffling out of the toilet I can hear one of them saying something to the other. I wish I'd heard what it was. It might have been nothing to do with me, the weird bloke who just stood there and then went off. Might not have.

As I sat down I accidently farted.

Ruined.

No one noticed though.

NM

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