It's the middle of the night, actually no, it's the morning. It's 3am. I'm on air in six hours, standing in for Daryl. This means I'll have to be up and out of bed for around seven. At best I'll get four hours sleep. That's not going to happen. The insomnia is at its absolute peak. In antricipation of this, yesterday I took some sleeping pills and went to sleep at an early time. The idea was to get my sleeping clock timed in nicely for today. No such luck. They knocked me for six and I slept like a corpse through 'til 2pm. Now I'm trying to get to sleep and it's not happening. I've got stupid thoughts going through my head about my career, the state of the world, the rise of facism. You know, the usual bollo~ks.
Partly I think I'm nervous about standing in for Daryl during the day. Although I used to present a show on Hallam FM during the day for quite some time in the past nowadays I seem to get overlooked for cover work. As a result it feels like a big deal and so I get nervous about f#cking it all up.
That's not the real reason I can't sleep though. The real reason is when my head is on the pillow it's hard to keep my eyes shut. It doesn't feel natural. I can't turn my brain off either. It's prattling away about any topic it likes while I'm trying to sleep. The real reason I can't sleep is because I have insomnia. It's an illness. It's a f#cking pain in the ar#e.
There's no way I'm taking any of those pills again though. They absolutely f#cked me for hours, I'd never wake up in time for the show. I'd be out cold or at best really groggy and stupid while I stood in for Daryl. Ye Gods!