I think I'm a bit out of touch with my fellow human beings.
Today as I sat in my little DJ chair I was chatting to one of the people who works at Hallam FM called Laura, about Kylie Minogue. We agreed that Kylie was ace and so I waded in with my theory that "it would have been better if Kylie had died of cancer though wouldn't it?".
Look of horror on her face. Look which said, "how could you think something so terrible?", followed swiftly by a polite but confused smile.
"Erm, you know. I mean it would have completed the story, like, erm, not if she'd actually died. I'm not wishing she'd died of cancer. Well, erm, I guess I am. I just mean, it'd be like how John Lennon is cooler than Paul McCartney. Mainly because he died. Kylie would have become a legend. One of the qualifications for legendary status is death. Erm..."
Then I looked at her with a sort of "I don't make the rules," shug. She was, I think, rightly horrified at my psychopathic musings. Just as my mate James and his girlfriend had been when I said exactly the same thing during their lovely dinner party[link back to that night*]. I could almost see James apologising for me with his eyes, to the mostly female audience there.
"You wish Kylie died of cancer? Jesus Christ Nick! What the f#ck is wrong with you? You like Kylie, why would you think something so horrible?" goes the conversation. "Yes, I do, I do like Kylie. But, her public image, the story she's telling via the media, with her life would have ended well at that point with her death. She's on a career high at the moment. She'd leave a beautiful corpse. Stop looking at me like I just did a big s#it on the dinner table".
"But you did."
"No I didn't. I'm just confused."
So now I'm horrifying strangers with this story on my blog. I'm wishing Kylie would die of cancer on the internet like a tw#t. There will be people looking at their screens thinking they've found a nutjob who needs reporting to the police.
The thing is, like all true morons, I'm always surprised when people freak out at idea like this. I look at them thinking, "what, what's wrong with that?". Their shocked expression, shocks me.
I guess on reflection I don't really think she should die of cancer. She should just say she has. Fake her death. Best way to go. If the finger of fame ever touched my private area that's what I'd do. Go out with a bang. Like Elvis didn't.
And like Kylie should.
* I was so embarrassed by their horrified reaction I didn't record it in my blog of the occasion.