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(Thursday) You can dance to the tune of the devil's beat but lemme tell you now he ain't nothin' but heat

Most of my time off has become a blur almost as it was happening. I've drank and eaten loads, as if to make up for all the dieting I've been doing. I can actually feel the excess weight I know I've put on over the week. My chin wobbling a little more than usual. Breaking out into a sweat for no apparent reason. I'll have to get on the gym in a pretty big way next week. Work off this crap.

I made a pretty big mistake not so long ago in shaving my beard off. I was all excited about the fact that my weight has been cut down so much recently. The reason most people have beards is to give their face a bit of definition. Sans beard I still look like the little chubby chubster that I am. It's a dissapointing thing to reveal to yourself infront of the mirror. You then have to wait for it to grow back. Everytime you greet your reflection you're a little shocked by the billy bunteresque grin it gives you.

People have in the past wondered why I don't go in for publicity shots. My line of work (local radio disk jockey) sort of requires a few t#attish looking pictures of you to be printed up on websites. There's been various excuses which people have theorised in days gone by; scared people will recognise me, not important enough, am scarred/deformed in some way.

The real reason is I always think I look like a t#at. The only pictures I ever like of myself are ones which are about 12 months old where I can go - "oh I used to look pretty cool, now it's all gone wrong, I'm getting old, my face is getting wrinkly and I've put on weight".

I often wake up in the morning and surprise myself when I see in the mirror that I'm not an old man yet.

Tsk.

I need to sort my head out a bit. Doing too much drinking and "relaxing" at the moment. Not good for a soul.

NM

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