The train's full so I decide to upgrade to a first class seat, it's only £6 and I'm b#ggered if I'm standing for a three hour journey. However, as soon as I got in there the guilt kicked in. I've only ever walked through First Class compartments before* and I immediately felt uncomfortably scruffy and working class. I know that First Class compartments on trains are morally wrong** and even though I was busy justifying it to myself I knew as soon as I sat down that what I'd done was a little bit naughty to say the least.
Things only got worse from this point on.
I sat down opposite two other people who looked, like me, out of place in this carridge. They didn't look like First Class material. "Probably arty bohemian types" I thought to myself as I smiled at them and they blanked me***. The bloke had a narrow agressive face and the woman was as ugly as a pig's a#se. Still, there we are. Looks and money don't always come hand in hand.
The ticket collector made his way down the aisle and I got read to explain that I wanted to upgrade me travel experience. However the two people opposite me were firsat and it soon became clear that they weren't bohmeians at all, just little scrotes like you and me. The bloke took the lead as he responded incredulously to the suggestion that he upgraded their tickets. He acted like he'd never even heard of the concept of a first class section.
"How do you mean First Class? Why should I pay £6 to sit here? First Class? What do you mean?"
He was being pretty agressive but the ticket inspector stood his ground and told him that he and his girlfriend would have to move to the other carridge. In the seats to our right were an elderly couple who looked like they definately were first classers. The bloke looked like on of those posh old millitary men you get in films. The two of them wore knowingly smug expressions on their face as they rolled their eyes to each other at matey's indignified and undignified performance. I decided to chip in and try to mediate a bit.
"You may as well pay the £6 mate, there's no seats through there anyway" I suggested.
Unfortunately he took this to mean that I was in some way on his side, which I'm not sure I was. at the time. "Yeah I know, f#cking shit isn't it?" he ranted as he stormed off with his ugly little girlfriend in tow.
I felt sorry for the ticket inspector and embarrased at the idea that I might have been trying to make a difficult situation worse. However I didn't say anything to him other than pay my £6 upgrade fee. On reflection though I think the ticket inspector didn't deserve my sympathy. On reflection I think I'm on the side of the agressive scratter. Perhaps I'm over analysing things but I'm sure that the Nazi's will have rolled their eyes at Jews and homosexuals who tried to put up a bit of a fight as they were dragged off to the camps. There will have been smug little pri#ks like the two old people on my right and then unthinking morons like myself who tried to chip in and suggest that they go along with Hitler's demands for the sake of a bit of peace and quiet.
Famously the concetration camp guards and indeed most of Hitler's subordinates, later relied on the following defence in the trials which followed "we were only following orders". If non of them had followed orders we'd not be in the mess we are in now, let alone back then. If all the soldiers in the US and British armed forces refused to follow orders to go over to Iraq Tony Blair and George Bush would have both been saved from themselves.
Wars would not be possible if the mentality which led me to pity the ticket inspector did not exist in our society and individual responsibility exteneded a little further than we currently allow.
Still, it was jolly nice to ride in first class and the old people did return my smile later on during the journey, so perhaps I miss read them.
*Actually I think I might have been in one once before, it's hard to recall but I think work sent me on one once to some event or other. Not sure.
**There's no doubting this. Don't even try and debate me on it, it's been proved by scientists that you'd be wrong as soon as you opened your mouth.
***What's that about? People who don't smile back at you? It seems to be a more common phenomenon these days. I honestly don't think I've ever not returned a smile. I don't understand the psychology of someone like that. C#nts deserved all they got. Actually, forget that if you've not read the full entry yet. I've never quite known how "*" works. Do you have to check it out straight away? Surely not. Surely you do that afterwards, or it'd be quicker for the writer to use brackets (like these).