In the midst of such confusion one only need pretend to have the answer in order to attain great power

"I used to be cruel to my woman I beat her and kept her apart from the things that she loved / man I was mean but I'm changing my scene and I'm doing the best that I can" - Getting Better Paul McCartney.

What's the betting that Heather's allegations were inspired by the infamous line from that song? You know, as opposed to real events. I'm surprised that the papers haven't mentioned it, or even quoted it, as it's from The Beatles' most famous album Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band. I personally have always thought that this Heather woman was a bad idea but I'm loving the fact that she's going to try and take three newspapers to court. It'll make for lots of interesting reading.

I'll never forget watching her and Paul McCartney on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire". Both me and my Dad, a lifelong Beatles fan, thought something along the lines of "WHAT THE F#CK?". Paul seemed intent on screwing up his legacy there and then. Shameful nonsense. It was supposed to be for charity but when you're pop's first billionaire that just doesn't really cut it. Give them the cash. Don't appear on tacky TV shows.

It was obvious that the only reason he was there was that blo#dy woman. She was fame hungry and so he'd agreed to pull some strings. Upon what do I base this allegation? The fact he'd never turned up in anything like that before. The worst crime I'm aware of in that direction was The Frog Chorus*. Yet there he was with this woman who didn't look like she belonged. She didn't look friendly, just determined. I remember thinking as I watched them answering stupid questions that it'd be nice when this phase was all over.

You can imagine the fun I'm having as it all kicks off.


This video sums up my attempts at stand up comedy.

*Pretty bad, sure, but there we are. I liked it when I was a kid.


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