I'm still recovering from the awesomely bad Robin Hood disaster I watched on Saturday. What the flying f#ckeroo was that supposed to be?
The most annoying feature of it was the awful jump cut editing, presumably designed to add pace to very slow moving action sequences and, I guess, to get the maximum value out of some of the stunts. Is Robin jumping off a hut? Lets have him doing that from every possible angle shall we? No lets f#cking not eh? They used to do that sort of thing in the 80's on things like the A-Team and it looked s#it then. I'm still amazed at one sequence where a bloke had a loaded arrow pointing at our hero for about a minute as Robin looks around going, "oh no, oh no" only for, and here's the twist, Maid Marrion to save him with a well aimed hair-pin.
As if that weren't bad enough the whole thing was made even cheesier as we're treated to a load of awful jump cuts as she walks away giving us all a the knowing look? The whole sequence took forever and had me cringing into the sofa. I was embarrased for everone involved.
Furthermore, unnecessary sword chinking noises gave the whole thing a tacky feel. Ka-ching - "Sherwood Forest". Ka-ching "Nottingham". Ka-ching? What? I'll tell you what, they're responding to the way in which this awful nonsense was hyped. 'The Replacement for Dr Who'! They've watched a bit of the first series of that much missed programme and totally misunderstood why it was good*. Alarm bells should have been ringing when the shows writer started punting this line:
"One of our touchstones was Jamie Oliver – a bit of a geezer. I mean, maybe it's a bit faux, but he says 'Hands up who thinks we should have better meals in schools?' Well, everybody. But nobody else did anything about it. Robin Hood's a bit like that – affecting change" [link to one of the many interviews where he says this].
What a f#cking doofus. Who writes this s#ite? People like him.
Jamie Oliver??? I ask you. Pri#k.
I'd heard that quote prior to watching it though, so I really should have known it was a franchise in the hands of idiots. The problem is though, it's not a franchise is it It's a legend, part of our folklore and alike in value to Buckinham Palace. Imagine if someone took a big dump on Buckingham Palace, there'd be a pretty hefty punishment for such behaviour, rightly so. Why is that not the case with something like this? Shouldn't the people involved be put in the stocks for a couple of days?
Yes, yes they should. Particularly when you conisder that it's your TV licence which has paid for this drivel. Coked up halfwits like Keith Allen are all very well when they're taking cash off private companies but when it's out of our pockets the joke wears a little thin.
Actually, a word here about Keith Allen. He plays The Sherrif of Nottingham in this, badly. has he ever done anything good? Ever? He's 'venerated' by loads of people but I can't think of anything he's ever done that's been good.
Where was I? Blair's Britain. Soundbites. Style over content. Jamie Oliver. We're living in a world where mediocre content can be produced by a few news friendly press releases. They think we don't notice how s#it it is. The problem is that the era which has produced this piece of s#it television is coming to an end and in an attempt to look modern "The BBC's Robin Hood" has managed to look very dated.
*Second series not quite as good as the first though.