Driving along in my car and four young lads come zooming up the back of me, resting their car on my boot. Annoying. Call me a boring old git but I'm quite keen on minor things like road safety and avoiding unnecessary risks so I was pootling along at the 30 mph speed limit. The lads behind me didn't like that at all.
"Move aside grandad" they implied as they shot past in their car.
I'm sure you can imagine my delight when the little c#nts got flashed by one of those beautiful speed cameras everyone else seems to hate so much. It was a lovely sight. Instant justice. They slowed down pretty quickly after that and as I pulled alongside them at the lights the driver looked pretty p#ssed off.
I imagine his mates will have consoled him with all the usual b#llocks people spout about these wonderful inventions. But I'm sorry, that's exactly what it is: TOTAL F#CKING BO#LLOCKS!
If you've been nailed by one it serves you right. That's the bottom line. Don't drive like a di#khead and you won't get a ticket. Couldn't be more simple. All this "ooh, it's not fair I was actually going at 31 mph" just doesn't cut it. You broke the law, pay up like everyone else and don't do it again.
Something else I've noticed recently is the number of people who simply could not give a f#ck about wearing a seatbelt. They should fine you for that more often as well. Totally indefensible. If you're in a car crash at 30mph without a seatbelt you're gonna f#ck up your face in a big way. No question about it. You won't know what hit you. Where does all this "oh we're not going far" s#it come from? Who cares? What do people think, like there's going to be some sort of loophole in the laws of physics which allows for that fact? You hit your face with anything at 30 mph and it's going to f#cking hurt, bad. Really bad. Could even kill you.
The other one which infuriates me is the suggestion that wearing a seatbelt is in anyway an insult to the driver of the car you're in??? What??? When you're missing an eyeball or nose will you be consoled with the fact you didn't insult anyone's driving??? In-f#cking-sane.
Besides, you might be in the car of the world's best driver* and still be involved in a major car crash when some other d#ckhead flys into you. Very few people take into account combined impact speeds when thinking about car crashes. Imagine that! You're sat there without your seatbelt on and someone s#its straight into you. Both going at 30 mph, double it and there's your impact power. Like driving into a brick wall at 60 mph. You're dead. As you die this blog entry will flash up before your eyes.
I once witnessed a car crash as I walked with Matt Mackay up to a pub in Broomhill. It'd have been a fatal one if they'd not had seatbelts on, no doubt about it. At a guess they were both going around 25 mph at the most but the sound of that bang as they went into each other has made me wear a seatbelt ever since. Please do the same.
PS: If you love Jesus, do not click here.