Phew! Look* at this dirty beast. Saw this little f#cker crawling around on the floor in my parent's house. Quite ironic that such a huge b#stard should be roaming about in a house where the two people I know who are most scared of spiders live. My sister and my Mother both f#cking hate them with a passion. I'm not too bothered about them personally and as a result I think the odds of finding one this size in my grubby little flat are practically zilch.
I'm of the opinion that spiders should be caught and then thrown out of a window. This gives them a fighting chance of survival. I'm ALWAYS horrified by people who just kill them. That seems both morally wrong and f#cking lazy.
Oddly though I really do think spiders, like dogs, are drawn towards those who fear them!
For example, if you're removing one from a room where there is an arachnophobe it's almost impossible not to go "whooo" and run up to them with it in your hands. You wouldn't do that with anything else. It's just spiders, they use their spider magic to make you do it. That has been proved by scientists.
For many years I used to think in enormous detail about Spiderman and how exactly he generates his web fluid. Spiders pump it out of the bottom of their body, it comes out from between their legs. In the comics Spiderman pumps it out of web cartridges from his wrists after he makes it in his secret lab. I used to think I was the only person sad enough to wonder if it actually came out of his scrotum via his p#nis. You can imagine my relief when I read a comic strip which touched on this delicate matter in the first issue of the fantastic Phlegm Comic.
If you're unaware of it I suggest you find out about it as soon as. I've just re-read them all and they're great. Really great.
*Finally. I've been f#cking about with Photoimpact for about half an hour trying to upload the b#stard the right way round. So large was the beast that I took its picture with my camera lengthways. I had to rotate it the right way using Photoimpact. It took me ages to find the command. Unfortunately for me the picture they use on PhotoImpact is a picture of a t#at. His smug face annoys me like mad. Here he is:
He puts me off using the programme with his stupid c#ntish face. It's annoying. Look at him! He's much more scary than the spider. I know looks aren't important but everyone knows they're significant. Particularly when you're judging a picture. I just don't want to be part of that bloke's world and by using PhotoImpact I feel as though I am.