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It is becoming more and more obvious that the answer to the worlds problems lies not with 'me' but 'we'.

Ye Gods! Will you look at that big stupid thing. I bought it in a bit of a hurry last week, there was a special offer on at Tesco so I got two for the price of one. I didn't even look at them, I just popped them in the trolley. This is a Tesco Brand toothbrush. Look at it, it's got six rubber teeth on the outside ready to scrape against your gums. Look at the back of it:

Apparently the idea of those ridges on the back is to scrape the plaque off your tongue? Not a bad idea if you can get the chuffing thing in your mouth as it's insanely thick. It feels like a club not a toothbrush. Imagine it looming towards your face:

You'd have to flinch wouldn't you? What annoys me is I remember when they started bringing out fancy toothbrushes like these a few years back. It was an obvious sales incentive with no practical value. Now I'm being forced to suck on a sales incentive. I'm literally chewing on the corporate c#ck every night.

Most people would just buy another toothbrush but that's frankly not an option for a cheapskate like me. It'd hurt me physically to pay more money for another toothbrush so I'll have to wait until this bad boy has been worn out a bit. Then I'll be able to, open the next one up which is exactly the same and wear that out. Then I'll be able to buy a normal one. Infuriating.

Michael "Kramer" Richards continues his hilarious comedy routines in America. I've been fascinated by this guy after his initial wacky outburst and subsequently amusing apology. This story is still a pretty big deal in America. Turns out that it is taking all sorts of bonkers tangents. Apparently Michael is a proud member of the secret Masonic order; The Scottish Rite of the 33 degrees. Tinfoil hat wearers will be aware that these guys are supposed to be the top of the top. The uber-illuminati shape changing lizards. He's one of them*! It's all kicking off.

Here's the all powerful shape shifter appearing on The Rev Jessie James's radio show:



Direct link.


Further twists in the tale include a couple who claim he sp#nked off a while back with anti-semitic nonsense as well calling a heckler a "fucking Jew" and adding "You people are the cause of Jesus dying" in April 2006. This led to his publicist adding recently that the remarks were made as 'part of the comedy act'. He also added that Richards is himself Jewish...

Ahem - he later clarified that Richards has no Jewish ancestry, was not born into the Jewish religion, and has not converted to Judaism, although he "adheres to Jewish philosophy" and "had some very potent and important mentors in his life that were Jewish".

F#cking brilliant!

Here's the people he offended, they want money and I'm of the opinion that it'd be funny if he had to give them some:



Direct link.

Well done everybody.

NM

*I'm not sure if it actually makes him a f#cking lizard or not. You'd best ask David Icke, he'll fill you in. Unless he thinks your a lizard. I think he thought I was. No matter how hard we tried they just would not do an interview on my old phone in. I think he thought I was going to ridicule him. Imagine!

2 comments:

Lloydd said...

I scrape my tongue with the crimp end of the tootpaste tube.

Anonymous said...

oh yeah man the toothbrushes these days just come with anything fancy they can do to make them look different....just plain wacky designs...i used to have one which had a half-head that would just bend to breaking point
amazing creativity1
cheers

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