"F#cking Vernon Kaye, look at him, the c#nt. Presenting Family f#cking fortunes. What a t#at. A sh#t show and a s#ite presenter. What a c#nt. He's putting that accent on for a start. I bet he doesn't talk like that in real life."
"What? You just slag people off for no reason. I like Vernon Kaye."
"He's a c#nt. He's insincere, playing the role of stupid northerner. He's a d#ckhead."
"Why don't you like him, it's like that Jamie Oliver rant we had before, they're just nice blokes."
"He's a c#nt as well. You can tell. It's in his eyes. Pudgy faced wa#ker."
"Why, what's he ever done to you?"
"I remember once on that Friday Night Project thing he slagged off Justin Lee Collings for having a beard. There you go. Proof positive that he's a c#nt. And he's a Tory."
"You said you were going to vote Tory!"
"As a joke. I'm not going to vote for any of them. They're all tw#ts."
"Yeah, as a joke Jamie Oliver slagged off Justin Lee Collings for having a beard. It's a comedy show."
"Many a true word spoken in jest," looks smugly as if that's a point scored.
"No, he said it as a joke."
"When's X Factor on?"