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thecultofnick

(Wednesday) It's not quite what I was wanting.

I lost 2.5 pounds at Weight Watchers. This is a good thing and reflects the fact I'm going to the gym quite a lot at the moment. My MP3 bubble being the main reason, I don't even notice myself going there. Lovely stuff. I think I'm now prepared to do some sort of mundane manual work when this radio thing all goes wrong. I'll be able to plug in to the MP3 player and I won't notice a thing. Perhaps Morrisons will give me my old job back cleaning toilets? Never know your luck. Quite an easy job that. Got sacked in the end though. Demoted to doing the tills.

Talking of toilets I seem to be getting more and more stage fright when I go for a wee willy winky these days. It's infuriating. Stood there at the urinals and feeling like you're the only one who hasn't had a wee yet. Jealously listening to the gurgle of the bloke stood next to you. My fear is that in my impotent frustration I'll try to force it, go one step too far and s#it myself. There's really no excuse for that. Sh#tting yourself as you stand at a urinal.

I recently listened to an interview with the woman who wrote that book about cosmic ordering which Noel Edmonds popularised. It was part of The Unexplained show which last went out in September. She struck me as nice but flakey. I wonder if positive thinking would help me as far as visits to public urinals go? I'm walking to the toilet fretting about it before I even get there so I suspect the problem is entirely psychological. Perhaps in the future I should try and break the ice a bit by making conversation with the people stood next to me.

"Hello mate, you're doing well to have started p#ssing already aren't you? Allow me to introduce myself, I'm Nick Margerrison. I get a little nervous in situations like this nowadays, I'm not sure why but I'm trying to work through it. Any tips on how to go straight away like you just did then? What's the secret of your success?"

A positive thinker would surely think this a good idea. You're probably sat there being all negative about this new tactic I'm formulating. "He'd get his head kicked in," you'll be thinking. Or is that me putting my negative spin on you? Clearly it is as I'm not able to know what you'll be thinking right now. No one can ever really know what anyone ever thinks. Ever.

I don't think I should start talking to strangers at the urinal though. It'd only make things more complicated than they already are.

NM

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