"Lighthouse beacon straight ahead straight ahead across black seas to bring" Electricity by Captain Beefheart.

This is a picture of a bloke pretending to be Kylie Minogue. My girlfriend is of the opinion that he doesn't have a very big package. Our mate Chris said it looked like quite a well stacked lunch box. I decided to stay out of the debate. I witnessed this performance at one of my girlfriend's work's functions. They were about an hour late in starting and it was supposed to be a talent contest, these chaps were doing the warm ups. It was hosted by a bloke who looked a bit like Lily Savage. He had the following 'hilarious' joke: "Tut, I went to see a film recently, Free Willy it was called, turns out it was about a fish, I was right dissapointed". The crowd looked as confused as I imagine you do.

I'd best not say anything negative though as I'm about to unleash my own peculiar brand of stand-up comedy on Monday night at The Frog and Bucket in Manchester. I feel more prepared than last time but also quite nervous. It's hard to tell but I think the nerves is a good sign. Last time I think the lack of them beforehand allowed them to take me by surprise all at once when onstage. I suddenly wanted to run off and cry a little bit. Perhaps I should dress up as a woman before I go on.

My girlfriend would like it. She's a big fan of men in drag. I'm a little concerned about that. Not because I mind her liking blokes dressed as women but because she liked my long hair so much.

Here's a link to a new podcast which is done by the talented and funny Robin Ince who manages to hide both those attributes in this instance. In every possible respect this podcast should be funny but unfortunately is not. Maybe the next episode will be. I've watched Robin Ince many times on stage and he's awesome. I've also seen Josie Long, she's very funny. Listening to the first episode it reminds me of the never released podcast me and my friends Phoneboy and Matt Mackay recorded. It was f#cking awful and a really excruciating listen. Although this one is only slightly better I suspect it will improve with time given the talents involved.



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