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Like the difference on the motorway between a high performance sports car and a donkey.

"Bloody hell look at this idiot; he just pulled out in front of me?!" goes my indignant thought process as I take the out of character decision to hammer self rightiously on my horn. "Yeah pr#ck, look where you're going next time" I say to myself as I notice the car opposite me flashing its lights. "What's he doing that for? Probably in my defenc- Oh sh#tbags, I've not switched my lights on, probably why matey didn't see me at that junction" goes my confused monologue. So actually, I'm the d#ckhead here. Ruined.

After this incident I've had an idea which I think I should patent. I want a more articulate car horn than the one I've got. I need different tones. I want four noises, one for "sorry" one to say "hello" and a polite sounding, "'scuse me!". Oh and of course I want one that says "f#ck yooo pretty boy!".

If they did this I think people would actually calm down a bit more on the roads. It never ceases to amaze me how irrationally wound up I can get when I'm driving. I don't get like that when I'm walking around the street. Obviously it's because the stakes are a little higher when you're driving, coupled with the fact that everyone else on the road is an utterly hopeless c#nt.

My girlfriend isn't keen on my new look blog. She thinks it's a bit too professional now. In the unlikely event that you've noticed the different layout and now hanker for the good old days when it wasn't as good, why not follow this link to an archived version of the blog in Dec 2005?

Reader's voice: "That's interesting Nick, how did you manage to keep that for so long?"*

I didn't. It's from this great little site which archives websites that get a certain number of hits. It's called The Wayback Machine. It has old radio station websites and things like that. Quite interesting. Why not look up old websites on it while you're supposed to be doing whatever it is that you're supposed to be doing?

NM

* It used to annoy the f#ck out of me when they did that in The Beano. I occasionally replicate it here as a homage to the irritations I suffered as a child who loved comics.

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