I have to smell my finger after I poke my tummy button?

I can't believe this Government. Apparently there's a rumour that there are plans to merge two schools in Sheffield, just stick the two together like that! Fortunately they're not going to sack the staff and everyone will keep their jobs and positions. The Government has said that they think two heads will be better than one.

I have read that there are fears that this new supercasino they're thinking of building near Don Valley might turn people into gambling addicts though. The odds are 2:1 against.

Apparently globe-trotting Hollywood couple Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are finally settling down in the city of New Orleans. They were originally looking for a place in London but then Brad discovered what his name stood for in cockney rhyming slang.

I took magic mushrooms to expand my mind then watched MTV and shrunk it again.

I went to weight watchers and lost over 4 pounds. £4.50p to be exact.

.............and relax.

I've been trying my hand at writing jokes recently. The above represent my dabblings with the classic set-up and punchline format. Strangely unsatisfying in places, oddly amusing in others. I actually smirked as I wrote the first one. I'm genuinely proud of it. It's my ambition to slam a pint of beer down on a pub table and go into a big rant which copies that first "joke" word for word, then wait and watch the response. It'll be interesting to see if people notice that I'm joking.

I've often wondered how many times I've thought someone was joking when actually they weren't. Probably more times than I'd be comfortable with.

Feel free to add your own hilarious jokes into the comments section of this entry.



Plonker said…
A Scotsman has been seen walking through glasgow with a wellington on his knob, police say theres no cause for alarm.. he's just fuckinaboot!


Better than any of your Nick, sorry to say!

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