(Monday) I just can't believe how far behind I am with this f#cking thing. And, oddly enough it's sent my hit rate through the roof???

Can you remember what it felt like when you were a kid and you broke one of your mate's toys?
"Ars#warts! I've f#cked up Skelletor's left leg good and proper there! Best hide him behind the big wooden toy box underneath that old copy of the Beano... Listen, Danny, I've got to f#ckin' do one mate. Rainbow's on in ten minutes, see you later, right? I'll pop round tomorrow for a game of army or something... And I'm out, home free! Ha ha! Daft f#cker will never know it was me that sh#gged his Skelletor".

Then you get home and feel guilty about it. Or at least I did*.

All those feelings returned to me adult head today as I took the social spotlight at Daryl's party and comandered his blender. Regular readers will know I'm currently hooked on these magical devices. Misplaced excitement filled the room as I started mixing up a magic cocktail of Baileys and ice!

My drunken friends were very dissapointed.

The wackyness started kicking in and a throng of alpha males started bustling about behind me saying things like "duh, it's just f#ckin' Baileys - put something else in as well," and "hey lads, lets put some of these Ferrero Roches in eh? Won't that be wacky!". All the while I'm being a sensible adult using my big body to stop them from getting to the blender and ruining my Baileys and ice that I'm making. "But it's just Baileys and ice," they kept insisting. Put something else in. "No, no, no, you'll only break it," I'm saying as I put another chunk of ice in and switch it on. "It's a nice new blender and if you put things like that in, oh-" I said as it stopped. Just ice in it. Too much. Broken. One of the wacky brigade excitedly took the opportunity to drop a Ferrero Rocche** in and then got upset when I refused to turn it on. I think they thought I was lying when I said it was broken.

However this time I went and confessed to my friend that I'd broken their toy. Poor Daryl seemed geniunely upset that I'd ruined his new blender. I was annoyed that I'd not let the others put a chocolate in and then it would have seemed like they'd broken it. Shame.

I particularly enjoyed wearing my jacket at the party. It's a suit jacket but it's not particularly expensive. What I enjoyed about wearing it is that I think I sort of managed to put a few people's noses out of joint in an odd way. There were quite a few people who went "oh, look at him in his jacket". I liked that reaction. I'm tempted to start wearing it to other occasions where it's not needed.

Happy New Year!

NM

-
The Monday Dog...


I thought I'd go for a particularly special picture that I have in my camera phone from last year's jaunt up to the Edinburgh comedy festival. This is a monument to Greyfriars Bobby a dog who spent the last 14 years of its life sat waiting on top of the grave of its owner leaving only for food. Its story is used as a testament to the bond between dog and owner. The faithful hound never giving up on its owner. A lovely story eh? A mate of mine told me that it's actually "b#llocks" but I like to think that it's true. Dogs are great. I've no doubt one of them could be this brilliant. Hooray for Greyfriars Bobby***.

*Not so guilty that I admitted to Danny when he found the crippled evil genius during a game of army the next day. And then started crying. Not a good time to 'fess up really. Thought I'd save the revelation 'til now. Then change his name to protect the wimpy sod.

** I refuse to give a sh#t how that is spelt.

***Jebodiah Springfield is also great.

Comments

Neil said…
It's actually spelled Ferrero Rocher - I thought you'd like to know.

Popular Posts