(Saturday) Kish and kiff

It's last night. I'm sat having a conversation with some of Jodie's mates about this 'n' that. Woo, I need the toilet. Off I pop to the toilet. As I'm on my way some middle class looking girl follows me. She looks a bit drunk and excited by the world but I pay her no note until she crouches down and squeezes my calfs adding "woo, are these your legs, woo!".

"She's going to feel pretty silly in a moment when she realises I'm not whoever she thought I was and we don't actually know each other," goes my internal monologue. So I turn round and pull a face that says "ha, what a silly mistake you just made, I'm someone you've never met before". But she's totally unrepentant and just giggles and smiles at me. So I just carry on to the toilet thinking how odd that she didn't say anything. Then she does it again. Now I'm totally out of my depth and a little scared. What if she's going to try and steal my wallet. How will she react when she realises I don't have a wallet? She's obviously mad. Bloody hell.

I keep my cool and say "yep, jolly good, it's all happening isn't it?*" and then get to the toilet and shut the door. What the f#ck was that about? Madness. She'd gone when I made my way back to my girlfriend having been unusually successful at the urinal.

What's particularly noteworthy about the whole thing is that the very fact she looked nice and middle class is what stopped me from telling her to "f#ck off you silly old cow". When I walked to work recently I had a simmilar encounter with my prejudices. I usually give a short shrift to beggars but when a hippy type middle class woman pierced my MP3 bubble on Thursday with the "oh no, I've not got enough money for my bus fare" I gave her a quid without thinking. She'll have been pulling that trick all night probably but the fact that she looked like a middle class woman and not a scumbag druggie was in her favour.

I don't know if it makes me a bad person but it does make me sexist and class prejudicial. Ruined.


*Anyone who knows me will know this is unfortunately exactly the sort of thing I say all the time to people who I'm attempting to dismiss.


Popular Posts