He's on a par with her boyfriend

Today I celebrated my 30th birthday in true epic style. It's not until the Monday but nontheless it seemed like a more practical idea to do the whole thing on the Saturday and have a bit of mayhem when everyone had a chance to get over. We mixed it up in The Devonshire Cat. There were two quite intense arguments, one person passed out and another bloke (not with us) got his c#ck out! Madness. Total madness.

There was a steller list of stars there, I was surprised at the turn out. I'd been worried that there'd be no-one there and I'd end up sat on my own crying into my beer wondering exactly when it was that my life went wrong.

Fotunately that wasn't the case, I was actually really touched at the number of people who turned up. It gives you a real sense of who your friends are.

The Devonshire Cat has been mentioned here before. In fact I've mentioned it a few times, it's got a menu for the beers! In many ways it was an obvious choice for my night of wacky nonsense. In order to accomodate the various different people who were turning up at different times me and a couple of the hardcore got down there nice and early. We were on it from the late afternoon but I made a sincere effort to go easy knowing there were people turning up later from various parts of the country.

Unfortunately I have very little real capacity for drink and got muntered quite early on. I remember one of my mates bouncing over towards me with a wobbling tray of sambucas and a big grin on his face; he ended up being the one who was out cold in the toilets about half an hour later.

"Has he done drugs? He must have done drugs."

There was an angry bouncer firmly trying to establish the situation as I stood between him and my mate who was sort of slumped over the toilet.

"No, he's fine, he's just a bit tired is t'old lad," I mumbled to myself. I had a big round badge with "World's Greatest 30 year old" written on it alongside a picture of a dog holding a champagne bottle. I must have looked like a complete tw#t.

"Move out of the way pal, let me have a look at him," said the bouncer who was being incredibly reasonable. It's awful when you're sort of p#ssed and observing yourself being in the wrong about something. I knew we were out of order but I also felt that in some way my badge protected me from a proper beating so was being unusually brave and standing in the way of this bloke who could have flattened me without thinking twice about it. I think the beer helped my confidence as well.

"Look, I can see his eyes, he's done drugs he must have done, move out of the way."

With this I turned round and looked up at the bouncer. I looked him straight in the eye and, with all the indignation I could muster, I said incredulously; "no actually, we've been here drinking since 4pm".

"Right, both of you, out!"

It was probably for the best; we all stumbled off home and then carried on drinking like fools. Some people carried on with the plan and went off to Gatecrasher, some people watched Shaun Of The Dead in the front room and others talked crap and watched the internet in the bedroom with me. The birthday cake which you can see at the top of this blog entry (it's in the shape of a DALEK if you can't tell) got demolished. Then we spilled loads of curry on the floor and fell asleep wherever we landed.




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