Sucking on a pink one, laughing at a shoe gun.

So, I've got another comedy gig booked in. To watch my previous gig look at, you'll find that sends you to my YouTube account. I'm polishing up my material and working out in which order I should put it all. I told "The Knock Knock Joke" to my mate Tom Binns recently and after a short pause he sighed; "yeah, I don't like that joke Nick, I can see why you got booed offstage". As a consequence I'm really short of material and need to write some more asap. I've got the following lines which I think might work in some form or other:

I think Tescos is a good supermarket.
It's good at exploiting it's workers.
It's good at undercutting local businesses
And it does really good ready meals.

My girlfriend doesn't shop at Tescos for "ethical reasons".
I can't remember what they are, it was in the Guardian the other week.
I like the Guardian, it help you see through the propaganda and think for yourself.
In in order to show my support though
I always make sure that whenever I go there
I always shop with a scowl on my face.

-- Something like that. It's not quite right yet but it'll follow on from the Jamie Oliver bit I think. I'm not sure. I'm really not sure at all.

Other than that I really like this line but have no idea where to put it in or if it would get a laugh:

At university I took magic mushrooms to expand my mind
And then used daytime television to shrink it right back.

It's a nice little bit, but it doesn't really scan properly. I think I'll chuck it in around the bit when I'm talking about having my haircut. I'm not sure. Still not quite enough though. Arrgh.

If you can think of anything amusing I've ever written in this blog please point it out with a comment and I'll have a look and see if it's useable.



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