(Thursday) The Artless Collection.

I was in the pub today with Big John, Matt Mackay, Michelle and Dave Henning. I had a pint of Guinness and a chicken wrap. Afterwards my throat felt really sort of, I can't think of a better word, "snotty". Like when you're a kid and you cry. It was horrible. I couldn't finish my pint. I kept having to swallow and clear the back of my throat.

I've noticed an increase in blog readership recently. I imagine that will be because word is going round that I'm soon to be leaving the Hallam FM late show. It's taking all my willpower not to reply to the thread that's come up on one of the radio gossip sites: HERE. It's best that I keep my mouth shut until everyone else knows what's what.

What is particularly exciting is that the votes are in and I've decided to do the "Knock Knock Joke" in Manchester on Monday. It's the joke I actually got booed off stage for in Sheffield and I couldn't be more excited about the fact I'm going to do it again. Thanks to the five or so people who voted.

My flatmate said to me that the reason people have voted for "The Knock Knock Joke" is because they want to see me f#ck it up after I've promised to post the end results on here via my You Tube account. That said, Michelle from Big John at breakfast found "The Knock Knock Joke" really funny. As did my mate Gordon Loncaster. Anyway, it's sorted now, that's what I'm going to do.

The only other bit is my next joke which some people think I should shorten:

It's like my old grandad used to say

Always keep your ear to the ground

Always keep your nose to the grindstone

And never take your eye off the ball

He's dead now

Car crash

I imagine if he were alive today he's say

Always keep your eye on the road

Ears on the side of your head

And DO NOT, for f#ck's sake, involve a grindstone.

Both Matt and Dave think I should cut it at car crash. I like the idea of him driving a car with his nose to a grindstone. I'm not sure what to do. Answers in the comments section if you've got any thoughts.



Shitegeist said…
I don't think it's a matter of cutting it at "car crash", just get a better punchline than the grindstone one.

Just an opinion!
Anonymous said…
I started the thread on DS because gossip is good ,a necessary evil. Cut at car crash, if the knock knock goes badly... Jess
Yesmans said…
You need to mix the grindstone bit in with the car crash somehow. Or perhaps have him horrifically mangled by a grind stone as he was looking his ball with his ear to the ground.

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