Doing a rubbish gig is an odd feeling. I sat there afterwards getting a huge rush of the red face, pouring sweat out of every hole, the following thoughts running through my mind:
"You wasted everybody's time there. Ruined the atmosphere. What arrogance you have, thinking you could ever be a comedian. You're not funny. You're just deluded. What a stupid fat fool you are".
My comedy friend David said I should just put it behind me, not to worry about it. My girlfriend said I wasn't that bad, I'd just paused too long before I went into the Jamie Oliver material so got gonged off before I got to it*. There was a feeling as we disected the night later on that the first two acts were so obviously acomplished that it'd put pressure on the card holders to get rid of someone. That had been me. To be fair there were some other acts there who usually Beat The Frog but failed to do so. It all feels like "loser talk" though. I was remined of this entry over here.
David's right, I should just try and put it behind me but I only managed 2 minutes and boom I was offstage. It's a kick in the teeth after my 4 minute stormer. I felt like I was making good progress. Yak. B#llcoks. C#nt.
I have a very important meeting tomorrow. Hopefully it'll go a lot better than my comedy did.
*Gonged off? I do most of my gigs at "Gong Shows" where you get as much time as the audience are will put up with. Three people are given cards; they hold 'em up when they're bored. If all three cards go up you're taken off the stage.