The Atkins diet is working. I'm losing weight! In the past two weeks I've lost about half a stone. On the flip side I'm sweating like an ant who's just noticed a Giant Anteater over its shoulder*. I also have bad breath and feel unusually lethargic**. On the postitive I'm not hungry all the time and if I do feel hungry I just eat food. That's it. So long as it's not carbohydrate or sugary I can eat when I want and as much as I want. Great.
The only problem is that this weather is not the sort you want when you're indulging in a diet which actually promotes sweating. Really I'd rather it was freezing cold. That's my flat policy on weather: Cold is good, hot is bad. I think it might be something to do with my hayfever, if not it's got to be connected with the fact that I burn easily or I've never been a very physcial person. A good example of this would be frisbee. What the f#ck is the point in frisbee? You throw it to someone and they catch it. Brilliant. How is that fun?
I believe frisbee is only popular because it makes a good scene setter in films. This means it often features in American films which want to show the summer and young people playing in the park. Hence this pointless game gets promoted in major films every year and people play it without actually thinking it through. No one has ever really enjoyed a game of frisbee. I don't believe anyone wakes up in the morning and goes: "Yes! I can't wait to meet Dave and the lads, we're playing a game of frisbee!". People just think it's the sort of thing they ought to play because it's sunny and they're going to the park with a couple of friends. And that's what people do...
Furthermore, I bet you can think of at least someone who, while they sit sweating in the park cursing the healthy young people, has been hit on the back of the head with a frisbee. I know I can.
*: like Channel 4 on the phone to Ofcom; like a fly watching Spiderman 3; like a big fat bloke in a sauna; like Salman Rushdie in a Mosque; like that bloke in that advert for a loan will when he reads the small print; like a sweat gland. Etc.
** I'd shaken this trait off recently with my jogging in the morning and so forth but it's back with avengance recently. Low sugar and carb levels you see. That and lazyness.