Oh dear. It's not a good sign that I'm shitting myself about the fact that I'm doing a gig where my name appears in the local listings is it? Click here.
When I realised that my name was on the actual thing, at a real comedy club, where there's no gong to save me, I felt a little bit of wee in my tinkle. But it wasn't the sort of wee where you actually need to go. It was nervous wee. Then I felt a bit of wobble in my tummy. Then I thought, "better practice my act a bit then". Even though I'll only be doing five minutes it's still nerve wracking. I've done a few gigs here and there without the safety of the gong* and they're sort of fun but I miss the judging element. I like a good old fashioned "you were sh#t" (... or not) to take away from the experience. Without the gong, unless you really die on your a#se there's a sort of vague, "huh, that wasn't too bad" vibe which frankly means f#ck all.
I think I'll tape this one as well and bang it on my podcast, Homemade Nonsense volume 3. I'm pleased to announce that Homemade Nonsense volume 2 has had double the amount of downloads that the first one had. I'm dissapointed to announce that it's provoked half the number of emails that the first one did. Ruined. My fear is that people have downloaded it, listened and then been so bored by it that they can't be ars#d to email me. I hope not.
Anyways, the next one will be jam packed with me trying to do stand up so it'll be jolly good.
*Largely I do gong shows. You go up you do your act and three random memebers of the audience hold cards. If you're sh#t they hold them up and you're gonged offstage. Sounds harsh but I really like 'em.