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thecultofnick

squirt water on your hair.

My new phone and I are not getting on and today marked a new low in relations between the two of us. Firstly, I don't like the fact it always wants me to connect to the internet. I do the slightest thing and it's asking me if it can connect. Take a picture; "Do you want to upload your pictures to your Orange account"? No, why the f#ck would I want to do that? It's even got the shortkeys wired up so that at least two of the options on the front page send you to an internet connection. Stupid.

Secondly it's switching itself off. I think. I can't prove it. I've never caught it in the act, but I'm pretty f#cking sure that's what's happening. I think it's doing it to spite me. I just haven't had the proof yet. So, it might get sent back as faulty.

Thirdly, all the fittings are new, so my old powerpack doesn't work and my old memory card isn't an option either. Holy f#ck. What is wrong with phone companies. I know people think it's to make more money and so forth, it's not. It's because they're all f#cking c#nts. That's why.

Then, this morning as I was gathering up my clothes after a shower and I watched my phone jump out of my loose trousers and land precisely on my right foot's middle toe, with a crunch. I gave out a real shocked 'girly' scream. Underneath the sound of that involuntary squeak I'm sure I heard evil laughter coming from the phone. Bloody thing.

It's just a hassle to send it back innit?

NM

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