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It's so cold in the middle...

I had brutal confirmation of my thoughts regarding the no smoking ban in pubs last night which came back to me today in the guise of a drunken flashback. I'm stood at the bar waiting to be served when I let fly the biggest fart you can imagine. I thought it of no note. People never notice farts in pubs. It's a farting alloed area. Or at least it used to be...

"Urrgh... who's pumped?" groaned the bar maid.

"Urm... I can't smell anything," I lied to her.

"Yeah, that's horrible," added a couple of women who were stood nearby.

Suddenly I'm back at school bluffing my way out of a crime which I clearly committed. I raise my eyebrows and try my best to make it look like it wasn't me but it clearly was. All the while my drunken brain is firing up on a rant about how much better the world was when smoking was allowed in pubs. You couldn't smell people then. Now it's actually become an issue. My mate comes over and chips in with "yeah, that's a bit of a smell, who did that then?".

I'm still bluffing, "I dunno, those girls smelt it first, lets get out of here".

My flashback from last night reminds me of a valuable lesson: don't fart in pubs.

NM

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