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Things I've noticed.

Gordon Brown.

I have a theory that his head used to be about one third bigger than it is currently. I suspect it has an as yet unidentified slow puncture which is letting the air out gradually like a balloon. This explains his deflated flabby face and wrinkly saggy forehead. Ultimately his head will just be a flap of skin hanging from his constantly gesticulating shoulders. I suspect the face will still sport that fu#king weird smile.

Karate.

It is no longer good enough to know Karate. You have to know something fancy like Wing Chun or Taekwondo. In fact I don't think I've met anyone for quite some time who is a proud user of Karate. It is no longer in fashion. I had an orange belt in Karate, that was never fashionable.

Jade Goody.

The reaction from the general public was not the one I suspect the media hoped for. Obviously people were sad to hear that someone had died but that's about it. There are now apparently plans for a film of her life. I suggest they call it Forest Gump II.

Listeners.

I have a message from a listener which reads like this: "What do you think of Fightstar? I think they're ok. Also do you think swine flu will be used by the Illuminati as an excuse to sterilise the world population? Cool show, write back."

Being cool.

I am not cool. A friend of mine recently got into a conversation about things which are cool and oddly I got drawn into it as an example. Apparently I am not cool at all but this makes me a bit anti-cool. It was agreed that this was a sort of compliment. But the woman in question kept making jokes about how she was going to "stop digging". I realised what she'd meant to say was that I am just not cool.

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