Last week I suggested an idea to my audience. I've got some old recordings of one Aleister Crowley speaking in an ancient language which was given to humanity by angels via a crystal ball. The language is called Enochian and the recordings are of a ritual designed to call spirit entities into the physical plane. Wouldn't it be funny to play these out on air? If they work thousands of demonic portals might open up all over the UK as radios rip open the very fabric of reality and we get a scene a bit like the one at the end of Ghostbusters as ghosts and ghoulies pour into the UK. Obviously though, magic isn't real and nothing like that would happen.
However, here's the bit it's hard for me to explain on the radio thanks to the UK's broadcasting law. Magic and I have a strange history. Around four years ago I was taught by a Discordian* magician how to cast low level spells. One of the techniques I acquired during this period was Sigyl magic. The idea is pretty simple and it's explained perfectly in this you tube video here**. (Edit 9th Aug 09 - the previous vid has been removed from YouTube so the link you've just seen is new & annoyingly not quite as clear. I intend to put this stuff in the next Esoteria so find that on Sky 200?) If you've not got time to go deep into this stuff I'll summarise for you: it's a bit like bonkers legend Noel Edmonds and his cosmic ordering guff. You write a wish down on a bit of paper and you hope it'll come true. Stupid eh?
Anyway I wrote out my 'wish' and I still have the paper here in my office. It said "I present a national radio show which deals with UFOs / Consipracy theory and the occult. I am helped by two members of staff who are dedicated to the show. It has a phone in element.". If you've tuned into Kerrang Radio around 10pm recently you might recognise that pitch. It was made using a Chaos Magick technique two years before the show was even mooted.
No, of course not. Obviously the "wish" was firmly within the realms of possibility. I knew the presenter of the show Tim Shaw. I was already known for doing speech radio and getting good audeince figures. We don't need spooky magic to explain how things fitted together here but I did find it a very strange experience watching it all play out with a wry smile.
I've tried them subsequently and all but one has borne out so far. I don't do them often, they freak me out a bit.
Remember this; the establishment spent hundreds of years killing witches and wizards, burning them alive and drowning them for fun. Then, once all the magic users were dead the very same establishment announces to its people that there is, in fact, no such thing as magic. Fortunately for them there was no one left to prove them wrong, they all went up in smoke, or were hired to work for the establishment...
Fast forward to the present and I'm doing the radio show. We're chatting to a bloke, Rodney Orpheus, who is part of the religion which Crowley left behind after he died, it's called O.T.O. I'm asking him what would happen if we were to play out Crowley's magical spell ritual designed to call out demons. He tells me probably nothing, "if demons were to come out of the radio I'd be very surprised, if they're going to come out of anywhere, they'll come out of people's heads". Awesome. Great bit of radio. Hit play on the song. Two minutes in the station has a major technical glitch. The consoles in all three studios stop working. The mic won't turn on and then won't turn off. We play three songs in a row as we try to sort it out. Chaos as broadcast assistants and producers run about like headless chickens trying to sort it out. Technical response team on the phone. Finally we're back on air. Not the most impressive bit of radio ever. An example of Crowley's curse?
Well, actually, obviously no. It was a technical fault. It's never happened before but it's not proof of anything other the unreliable nature of technology. The callers who arrived on air swiftly afterward backed me up. It can't be anything other than a co-incidence. However, my co-host Amy Jones has now decided that if we do go ahead and play out Mr Crowley's magic incantations she doesn't want to be in the studio at the time. She refuses to listen to the recordings at all. This follows on the heels of my producer's on air announcement that he wants nothing to do with the show when we plan to do it, we've got the experiment penciled in for next Tuesday.
We wrap up the show. I've told the audience that they will decide if we go ahead with this idea. At the moment it's about 1/3 against and 2/3 up for the idea. As we hit the calls just before 1am people are very much egging me on to do it. I get emails from people prepared to travel from miles around to help out with the show for free if my Producer and Co-Host really are too freaked out to lend a hand on the night in question.
It's winding down time and I'm messing about on the net with a mate who produces our podcast***, he's got a twitter account and can verify the following story - it's www.twitter.com/simonhillonq. I'm showing him the joys of this website you are reading now. As I'm showing him I click on the feature you'll notice at the top in the search bar of this very page which says NEXT BLOG. I click on it to show him a random blog. Up pops a picture of Alister Crowley! This one in fact:
At random the man himself has managed to pop up and stare into our faces. Simon and I couldn't believe it. I called my producer Alex over as Amy wears an, "I told you so" look on her face. As I write this blog entry I've tried clicking that button over and over again, none of the random blogs it has put up feature Crowley's face. Another co-incidence?
C U next tuesday.
*Most people think Discordianism is a joke and they're pretty much correct. I am the only true Discordian left, all the rest of them are just well meaning liars.
**Quite a long vid. Be careful with Sigils if you're going to do them. Spend at least a few months phrasing it very carefully in the positive. Notice with mine I didn't write "I WANT to present a national radio show". Doing that locks you into an eternal sense of wanting to present a radio show. No good to anyone. There are other little rules. Do more research than just reading this blog entry.
***If you're reading this blog entry on the weekend 29th - 30th - 31st then find the podcast of the show and listen to it yourself. I asked Simon to keep the technical hitch in there.