If Tiger Woods is addicted to sex then I’m addicted to Monster Munch. I can’t stop eating 'em. They’re like crack cocaine! Granted, I’ve never actually tried crack cocaine, but I hear it’s very more-ish. I don’t think I’ve ever been so 'brand loyal' to a type of crisp. Usually any old crap will do but ever since I tried them again last year I’ve been hooked.
Speaking of food: no, M&S, your biscuits are not “yummy”. Don’t be so patronising when you’re labelling your food. Call them “delicious” by all means but don’t talk to me like I’m a chuffing baby. Be real, you’re a big company and that label was not the idea of someone who has a cute affectation. It was cynically adopted by a committee of bored marketing executives who were sat in a room looking at some market research.
If “yummy,” was their final choice can you imagine the words they will have rejected?*
Finally, on the subject of marketing, Cheryl Cole does many things but she does not rock. I have nothing against the idea of Q Magazine trying to sell a couple of issues by putting her on their front cover this month, but I do think you cross a line when you tell people you think “Sheryl Cole Rocks”. There’s no one in the UK who is under that impression and over the age of ten. We've all got to earn a coin but I'll bet whoever made the decision to run with that headline probably went home after work and had a little cry. Or at least they should have done.
*Heard the very funny Stewart Lee make a joke a bit like this on a rare panel show appearance, so now's as good a time as any to point you in the direction of a genius: STEWART LEE'S WEBSITE.