I'm amazed at how much I can sleep. I've always known I was a lazy person but the current number of hours I'm managing to pack in on my (frequent) days off is quite staggering. If being lazy was an olympic event I'd be to lazy to even compete. And of course this would mean that I'd win.
Unfortunately I'd also sleep through the bit where they handed out my gold medal. And when they came round my house I'd not answer the door and my girlfriend would tell them to go away, "he works nights on weekends so he can't see you and your nonsense right now," she'd say.
Then, probably, the newspapers would get wind of the world's laziest man. People from miles around would come and watch me being lazy and doing very little. "Look, look, look at the lazy man!" they'd all say. But then my girlfriend would come to the door and go, "he works nights on weekends so he can't see you and your nonsense right now".
Then she's start appearing on chatshows and revealing all my lazy secrets.
Then the story would reach media saturation point and after a vicious backlash people would lose interest. Then, once the crowds had gone and the cameras were forgotten about I'd crawl out of bed and have some porridge. I like porridge.