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A dog had laid an egg on a park bench?

Aug 7

This picture, which I first saw here, reminded me of the time I went on holiday with a mate to the seaside resort of Filey, North Yorkshire. We were teenagers and as a result one of our jolly wheeze's was to craft replica dog turds from

Lee and Herring was never as good as Stewart Lee and Richard Herring.

Aug 6

Nostalgia is a funny thing. Some people my age labour under the impression that the comedy double act Lee and Herring were really good and it's a shame they split up. They weren't and it isn't.

David Cameron's out of control, stop this man!

5th Aug

David Cameron is either an evil genius when it comes to foreign policy or a Mr Bean style character who blunders his way through

What a depressing incident, thank God for Stewart Lee.

I was sat on the tube opposite a rather well dressed dandy. Next to me were a young black couple who looked quite trendy themselves. The lad had a hat on and sports gear, the girl had her hair straightened and curled ever so slightly. The man got up and pushed his way through the people towards the door. The girl remarked to her boyfriend; "he's gay".

The Eh Team?*

Aug 3rd

I'm very glad that me and my lady watched a few episodes of the TV series upon which the A-Team film was based. In my imagination the series was a work of genius, turns out that in reality it's irritating and dull.

Katie pays the Price

Urrgh. Does irony even exist in the mind of someone like Katie Price? I used to think that people like her knew what they did was nonsense. I grew up with the belief that were you to meet a famous person in real life they would let you in on the fact that everyone knew it was all a pose. The open secret would be revealed to you.

Time shoots by.

Aug 1st

It's such a droll observation but it holds true, time is going by at an ever increasing speed. If you agree with this assertion be prepared for it to continue to accelerate. In the world of New Age / Conspiracy theory there are some people who think this tendency, which everyone seems to have noticed, is proof that the Universe is itself thundering towards some sort of conclusion which will arrive in 2012.

Having children does seem rubbish

Sunday The 31st of July

I enjoyed listening to Cristo's show on LBC today. He was on top form. I couldn't agree more with his rant about the sitcom "Outnumbered" which features one half of the unfunny double act Punt and Dennis*. Me and my girlfriend excitedly switched it on when friends of ours (all of whom have kids) sold it to us as being one of the funniest TV shows they'd ever seen. If you've not seen it

Some of life's little ironies

I was reading some article or other recently with someone who had survived what sounded like a horrific car crash. Seriously injured, the man had only narrowly escaped full decapitation. He featured under the headline "The Luckiest Man In The World".

Big Brother's final series limps along

29th July

Me an' the lady settled down to watch Big Brother 11 on our still broken telly. The little line which flickers at the top didn't detract hugely from this rather poor final series of the infamous reality TV show.

The Adverntures of Asterisk

28th July

I'm very excited about the imminent arrival of a book by Stewart Lee. There are extracts appearing on the excellent comedy website Chortle. It appears that Mr Lee is a

High as a kite off a single cup of coffee!

27th July

My caffine experiment has had to end. I was freaking out!

Who needs drugs when you can muck about with caffine highs? I reckon most people are more addicted to the substance than they think. Try cutting it out for a week, see how you do. If you can't manage it you'll still enjoy your first cup back.

Music I enjoy #4

Hawkwind

It's tricky to know how to sell a band like Hawkwind to someone. Their music is

I'm a bit like Renton off of that film

25th July

I'm day two into my attempt to go for a week without caffeine. I went a whole day yesterday without it and then today I've just managed to keep not drinking anything with it in. I obviously suffer badly from an addiction to the drug as the last time I tried to come off it I had serious problems. I went very wibbly!

It was a very rare incident

There's a lot about news reporting and media in general which is deeply absurd. The idea that you can get an account of something which has no bias is blatantly idiotic. Everything has a perspective to it. Photographs are defined just as much by what they are not as by what they are.

Irony and sarcasm: Lee Nelson's Well Good Show

Lee Nelson in action
23rd July

Today I sat and watched "Lee Nelson's Well Good Show". It was a 'best bits' clip show. Good lord what absolute toss! Firstly, lets be clear here, it's a show about a "chav" called Lee Nelson. He is supposed to be a bit thick. There is therefore a level of irony to most of the things he says. A duality of meaning which the writers of this show didn't seem to

I love Stewart Lee and his mad sense of integrity

Stewart Lee is apparently livid that there is to be a "Foster's Comedy God" award which will be voted for by the public and then handed out by the new sponsor of what used to be called, the Perrier comedy awards*. His angry email to them is reproduced on the excellent Chortle website here.

Obviously problems at Tesco

21st July

It's about ten to eight and I'm just about to go through yet more nonsense regarding my £500 chav sized telly which regular readers may remember me purchasing then blogging excessively about in previous entries: CLICK HERE, AND HERE, AND THEN HERE, AND FINALLY HERE

Wax on wax off!

20th July

Me and my girlfriend watched The Karate Kid today. We watched the original version. There's no way the new one is ever going to be better than this. It's an awesome 80's classic. It even has the line "hey it's the 80's" in it.

Big beefy bloke shoots people, morons love it!

19th

If you were listening to my weekend overnight show on LBC you'll have heard me taking calls from Raoul Moat "fans". Yep, that's plural, he has more than one.

Freaky book

18th

I'm making some serious progress through all the books I've got on the go at the moment. Yesterday I finished the follow up to "Freakonomics". You may have seen it advertised around London, it's called "Superfreakonomics" and it's aces.

Too clever for his own good...

Nowadays everybody thinks they are a media expert. Clever manipulation of TV interviews is not beyond the ken of people like, Zac Goldsmith. On the contrary, it's easy. Or at least, so he thought.

Getting a bit shirty.

16th July

When I got to work yesterday I was sweating through my purple shirt. There were big thick patches of damp on it in all the usual places and under my man boobs! This is not a good look.

My new polytheism defence...

15 July

I can't help but talk to people who are religious about their beliefs. It's amazing to me that, in theory, there are some of us who really believe all the mad stuff written down in things like the Quran and The Bible. I've not read the former, its just too boring

Discordian Poetry

14th July NB// Most people will not like this entry.

Reading Illuminatus

13th July

As I've mentioned before, my raw enthusiasm for the world of conspiracy theory has declined somewhat in recent times. However I'm still very keen

Comedy, it's funny isn't it?

One of the producers at LBC went to see Chris Addison, the bloke who plays Olly in The Thick Of It, doing stand up. He came into work full of praise.

It's wrong to shout "hey Alf!" at strangers, right?

London is weird. First thing in the morning, finished my show at The LBC. Wandering about in Leicester Square and

Say cheese!

The theory goes that a picture is worth a thousand words. That is of course nonsense. It can be worth

More "proves it"...

Me and my old producer Alex Baker had a little catch phrase we'd often use in relation to UFO stories. In the event of one occurring in the news we'd point and shout "prooooves it!!".

Brand Russell Ltd

08 July

I spent the evening watching Brand Russell re-creating 'On the road' with my girlfriend. I want to like this bloke but I've not managed to yet. Everything about him

Made some changes to the blog format

Got a text off a mate who isn't keen on the slight changes I've made to the format of the blog where you've got to click to see

Grim world at the moment

July 6th

Man, I had a conversation today with yet another friend who has lost their job. This guy, unlike the others, doesn't work in radio but it's all part of a wider trend which

£50 extra a month!

My new house has no designated parking. Also, next door we have a nice young couple with a baby and a piano. The baby frequently cries with enthusiasm. To calm it down they play the piano to it. This rarely works and the resulting cacophony is tragi-comic.

Fat football loving advert watcher

July 04

I don't like football, I don't generally like adverts, I do like this one though: http://tinyurl.com/2v97cuy

It's the one

Always wear the mask.

One of my most vivid memories as a child is the gradual realisation that I'd been ripped off by The Judge Dredd film. When I went to watch it with my friends I tried to keep a brave face on but I knew a little part of me had just died forever when, within the first few minutes, it became clear Sylvester Stallone was not keeping his Dredd helmet on.

Demographics.

2nd July

Last night I watched a whole episode of Skins. It was as rubbish as you think. My excuse is that I was flicking between normal telly and HD to see if I could spot the difference. In the end the telly went off and

Legalise drugs.

I've never understood why our taxes are being pumped into wars which we can clearly never win. The war in Iraq is one good example. The war on recreational drugs is another.

Ticking by.

30th June

I'm starting to become genuinely concerned about the time I'm letting slip by at the moment. I only really work weekends currently, aside from the occasional extra cover work which comes my way here and there. Initially I got stuck into writing a book but gradually this has gone by the wayside.

The book is about

Radio anorak entry.

29th

Being a radio presenter used to be an easy ride. Nowadays though, the industry is in dire straits.

You can choose your friends...

28th Cheryl Cole, I just don't get it.

I'm an excellent boyfriend


27th

For her birthday I bought my girlfriend The MicroCube. And a guitar.

Food glorious food...

I was thinking recently that the cornerstones of my diet are as follows:

Baked potatos with tuna, mayonaise and sweetcorn. A dab of mustard on the side. Excellent.

Prejudice can be fun!

25th

Going through a real Alan Moore period at the moment. I'm watching loads of interviews with him on YouTube and have inevitably been drawn towards this website: www.dodgemlogic.com.

Podcast

24th

I have a huge unused archive of old radio shows. I've discovered whole boxes of stuff which is not currently online but might be of interest to people. I'm deciding what to do with it all. I think I'm going to start podcasting it. I guess there'll be a couple of hundred people out there in webland who might like to hear some of it. It includes bits from old forgotten radio shows, some student radio, some from Hallam FM (my first talk show), a lot from Kerrang and bits of other stuff.

House about that?

23rd

We're moving house. It's a big, long, boring task.

Frank Sidebottom.

22nd

I'm more than a little depressed by the news of Frank Sidebottom's untimely demise. He was only 54 and his creative spark was far from out. What a downer.

Famous people pretending to be normals


21st

Yesterday I saw the actor who plays Gollum in The Lord Of The Rings, wandering about, in the London, like a normal person. He didn't fool me. I knew he was probably hatching yet another evil plan to get his finger in Frodo's magic ringpiece again. Either that or wondering how he could reprise his excellent performance as Martin Hannett in 24 Hour Party People, one of my favourite films of all time.

Uber lazy

20th

I'm amazed at how much I can sleep. I've always known I was a lazy person but the current number of hours I'm managing to pack in on my (frequent) days off is quite staggering. If being lazy was an olympic event I'd be to lazy to even compete. And of course this would mean that I'd win.

Gary McKinnon.

19th

Gary McKinnon's case should have been sorted by now. I've met him and his mother a couple of times and it's beyond my comprehension why he is still being tortured by the legal system in this country. He's the guy who allegedly hacked into the American government's computer systems to look for evidence of UFOs. From the sounds of it he found something, but there's no solid proof of this that I'm aware of.

Not all of the following is true.

18th

Dongle is not a real word. Everyone who uses it has been tricked.

It is poetic that lipstick was modelled on bullet cartridges. War is embedded into one of the tools women use to apply make up.

Want to get into the occult? Here's a good place to start.

I've just finished reading "My Life With The Spirits" by Lon Milo DuQuette. It was word for word one of the best books on occultism I've ever read. It's the life story of, Lon Milo DuQuette, a chap who we interviewed on the old Kerrang show around the time we were doing the Crowley Enochian calls*.

Laughing at the tragedy of strangers...

16th

Sat on a train, bored. Why do people always insist on having a loud phone conversation like that bloke over there? Good god he's annoying. My twitter feed continues the story:

NICKMARGERRISON TWEETS
is it wrong to be amused by a bloke arguing with his girlfriend on a mobile phone, being frequently frustrated when his signal cuts out?
16 June 2010 20:43:07 via mobile web

NICKMARGERRISON TWEETS
ooh! He's dumping her in anger! It's all kicking off.
16 June 2010 20:45:47 via mobile web

Including travellers and transsexuals?

15th

Do you think The Daily Mail is intentionally amusing? Sentences like this one are beyond parody aren't they (?):

[An Ofcom study] labelled 'bizarre' yesterday, was based on just 130 viewers with a disproportionate focus on minority groups, including travellers and transsexuals.

[my emphasis]

Anyone.

14th

Anyone but England?

Meme tastic

13th

Epic Beard Guy...

I've been a YouTube fan for years. I spend far too long on the site watching stupid videos. This means I'm often drawn in by You Tube sensations. This is easily one of the oddest I've seen in some time. It's a bit violent so I link to it with a word of caution.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4OnhnvczTk

In short it's a fight on a bus.

What's interesting about it is the huge controversey that surrounds it, best articulated by these two vids I've posted here:

Interview with Epic Beard Guy, during which his fragile mental state becomes obvious.


Nice balanced video which contains interviews with both Epic Beard Guy and the man who attacked him.

The rarely seen aftermath video taken on the same day after the fight.


An amusing parody video
.

NM

Thus spake Discordia

12th June

Solipsism is the idea that you are the only 'real' person in the world. Your mind is the only one which you can be certain of and so it's possible that everyone else around you is therefore not 'human' in the sense you are.

Some people get really freaked out by this suggestion and find it hard to shake off. I've always liked it but never really found it upsetting. I also think it is true. You are the only real person in the universe, everyone else is not the same, they're unique, as are you.

It's important though to define terms.

Real - what does that mean? Person - what's one of those?

Firstly "real" is something you personally can verify. Reality only ever reaches us as a subjective impression of apparently external sources. Your version of "real" is different to mine. My version of "real" will, somewhere along the line, deviate from yours and become un-real.

This brings us to the question of what is a "person". Well, it's the identity you attribute to the instrument which allows you to see your version of 'real'. So a "real person" would be best described as someone who sees your version of real. Thus the only real person you know is the one with your name.

There's nothing upsetting about this, it's better than discovering that in fact everyone else has the same perspective as you. That would cause much bigger problems.

Accepting solipsism as a necessary quirk of perspective is a worthwhile step. Jumping on from there to the conclusion that this invalidates the rights of other people is to forget that your perspective is incomplete and that without others you live in a smaller world.

NM

Happy Birthday Kerrang

This youtube amused me. Mainly for the chunky power chord action Alex Baker dishes out in the background.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEbmBVy3ZTs

Although I don't get much chance to listen I certainly don't hold anything other than good feelings towards my old stomping ground. The show I did there had a sort of built in narrative which ended in quite a satisfactory way and all the people who still work there are friends of mine.

In fact I think I've only ever left one radio station with a genuinely foul taste in my mouth and that was over a decade ago now.

NM

What can I say, Iran out of interest.

10th June

Although these days I've grown significantly tired of 'conspiracy theory' it's very difficult to reject a whole set of ideas because most of them seem to pander to irrationality. One of the constant refrains emanating from that particular sector of our culture is the belief a war with Iran is inevitable.

It's part of "the agenda", goes the argument, so it will happen in due course. "The agenda" also includes an economic collapse which leads to a global currency, UFO disclosure, the break down of law and order, race riots and the microchipping of people without their consent. And, depending on who your favourite source of paranoia is, martial law, a one world religion, the arrival of the anti-christ and the destruction of 80% of the world's population.

There's more but like I said, I've kind of lost interest in it all these days.

I'll go out on a limb though ... a war with Iran is not on the cards anytime soon. We really can't afford it and neither can our American allies.

The only real point in this post is to make the above prediction as an opposite point of view to the majority of the world's bloggers, most of whom think the war starts tomorrow. My point of view, like theirs, is purely informed by gut instinct. However, mine will not leave you worrying about stuff you can't change.

NM

LINK TO A STORY ABOUT SANCTIONS IN THE JERUSALEM POST

Amy's Pond

9th June

Spent a good chunk of the day watching Dr Who. I've finally decided that this chap is one of my favourites in the role, of all time. In fact this is the first series where I've not wanted to miss a single second. It's on an all time high.

Me and my girlfriend are also excited that Amy Pond looks like a mate of ours, TV journalist Claire Fallon.

However now its been pointed out to me I'm finding this classic series a bit confusing to watch. Are we actually watching Amy Pond or is it more fun to imagine a mate of ours being depicted on the small screen helping out everyone's favourite Time Lord?

As I understand it a couple of people have approached Claire thinking she was the actress who plays the role of Miss Pond.

Meanwhile I've been managing to look like a fatter version of Toadfish off Neighbours for quite some time without many people so much as batting an eyelid.

NM

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